Celebrating Women!

I wanted to make a post centered around celebrating women! Being a woman comes with many reward and challenges.  We have come a long way for equal rights and I must say, LADIES…we are dominating but still have along way to go.  First lets celebrate what we have achieved in the past decades!  

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#1. Independence – We have been able to secure some of the top careers in places that we were never able to navigate such as politics, running for president, mayor, governor, CEO of some of the largest fortune five hundred companies. We now are mothers and head of household in many homes. We are able to raise children and have a prosperous career at the same time. Although we have a ways to go when it comes to equal pay among-st our male counter parts, lets celebrate this achievement thus far!

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#2. Education – We have been able to secure education status of Masters, Doctoral, JD status just to name a few.  In the past, we had to sit back and watch our male counter parts dominate the education system and get the better jobs, but now, ladies we are able to go as high as we want in the education system and change some of the though process from the past that we were to be barefoot and pregnant after high-school.  NOT ANYMORE!

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#3. Women of Color – I want to celebrate ladies of color because the struggle IS real. Although for ALL women have faced and issues, women of color have faced many additional challenges from racism, judgement, media and scrutiny just to name a few for decades and still have a long road to go. The day that all women can come together and make their power and presence known, we can overcome some of the challenges still faced as a GENDER. Forget a RACE, lets band together as a GENDER and knock the socks of these dick heads!  Unity is stronger than individual segregation. Lets celebrate women AND women of color pressing forward and staying strong when everyone else has been against us ALL. What you say?

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If there is anything else you believe should be celebrated by all women please comment and share, thank you for Reading!

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Oh This Thing We Call Marriage….

I can’t be 100% with this comment, but I can guarantee 90 % of women want to get married one day.  How do I know?  Well at some point we want to stop dating, sleeping with different men, and to start a family with ONE person.  We as woman want a purpose, and we get to a point where sewing our wild oats like a man gets really old, say in our late 20’s to mid 30’s. So thus when we find a potential candidate that wants the same things as us in a relationship we consider marriage and creating a family foundation. 

The reality is that although we WANT marriage at some point, it is WORK.  It is constant changing of feelings, opinions and financial factors.  These can alter how strong your relationship is over time.  That is why they say you must marry someone you have a connection/bond with because only this will get you through tough times.  Not sex, not money, not children.  The BOND. I would say the biggest factor that can get you through tough times is communication.  Without this, you basically are two zombies forced to deal with each other until someone reaches their breaking points. This sucks. Many women get to a point where they JUST want it because of their age or to have children, and will take any candidate that looks like he will give it to them especially as women get older.  This isn’t a bright idea because all you will be putting yourself through is misery and a jail sentence.  This you get divorced and now you wasted all your youthful years with the wrong man which will bring resentment.  This is the same for men, marrying the wrong woman will be a disaster in the long run, or short run. Then when kids get involved it really takes a turn for the worst if their is lack in communication, because they will pick up on this and act out.

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My point is, marriage is constant compromise and WORK so make sure to keep a close bond/communication open with your partner.  Below are some ways that can help this:

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How to Stay Positive While Waiting For Mr. Right

It seemed like yesterday that I was a single woman, exhausted with dating, and had reached a point where I was over it! It seemed like the older to became, and the more you obtained on your own, the options got smaller for potential candidates that would work long term. Now that I am married, and much in love with my husband, I can confirm it was very much so worth the wait for the right partner. I can definitely say dating the in 20th century is challenging.  You have so many outlets such as online dating, speed dating, Mobile apps such as Tinder, Social media etc. where you can meet a potential match. What makes this challenging is that sometimes too many options can become overwhelming and cloud your judgement on who would make an ideal candidate for you.

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Typically you think that if a guy was interested, he would pursue and court you to show he is serious about a relationship.  In this day and age, he can pursue you just to have a sexual encounter.  I believe that’s why its so important to make it clear on what you are looking for from the start so that no one feels led on or taken advantage of.  I know it is not that cut and dry. Most men don’t look for a woman he can jump into a relationship right away if he has options so, typically those types of guys have to be single and get it OUT their system before commitment or you will be a very unhappy woman trying to tame that type of beast.  If a man is ready he will be patient, and spend alot of time getting to know you, and learn if there is a potential future with you, with or without sex. So for my single gals I wanted to put together a list of ways to stay positive while waiting for Mr. Right, and signs to look for to avoid Mr. Right Now.

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Things to do to Stay Positive While waiting for Mr. Right:

1) Stack your Money – A woman with the bag can make moves as she deem fit. You wont have to wait for anyone to take you out, and you can spend that free single time traveling and seeing the world with friends.  There is nothing more attractive than a financially stable woman who can make her own and add to.  Save and cut back on areas that you can so when the right person comes along, you have funds set aside for a potential wedding, starting a family etc and to treat yourself.

2) Build a close relationship with GOD- Learn more about your spiritual side, connect and have a bond with him to show you the way while in wait.  Talk to GOD about what you want the out some of the next few years to be, and listen closely to the steps he advises to take.  This will keep you sharp and positive while in wait, and away from wolves in sheep clothing.

3) Keep a Goal list – Keep a list of goals written down.  This will allow you to check off each life goal you have been wanting to accomplish while in wait.  Once you get married and start a family, many of the goals will be put on hold because now it wont be just about you.  Focus on achieving these goals so that your focus is not on rushing to get married, or Mr. Right.  This will also help you look back on life with minimal regrets on what you should have done.

Signs to Look for to avoid Mr. Right NOW:

1) If a man tells you he is not looking for nothing serious believe him. Do not make it more than what it is, and definitely do not put yourself in a situation to get pregnant by him because promise you that it wont work, and he will NOT marry you.  You will end up single and a mother which makes thing snow 10x harder to date, and Find Mr. Right because you are stressing about making things work with Mr. Right Now’s child.

2) If your going to sleep with a guy early, make sure you have a conversation with yourself that you will NOT make it more than what it is because the worst thing you can do is have a sexual encounter with Mr. Right Now, and you are not in a commitment.  If there are no talks of a relationship than you will NOT be the only one he sleeps with.  It does not matter how good you put it on him. Trust me if you are trying to put it on him, someone else is too.  Run….far away. Do not get your heart tied up in this mess.  If you want a conversation time to time thats cool too, but keep other options and do not make sex a consistent thing with this guy, it will back fire when the sex gets old. I seen this happen to too many women.

3) Avoid lay up and chill situations. If he can’t take time to have a conversation, spend time out with you, he isnt on anything serious.  Never assume, always let him tell you and show you he is interested.  Don’t sleep around of course, but date different people to see what you like.  Have options, men keep options right?  Always remember we are in control (women) if sex happens so if it does, you can only blame yourself (unless he forces himself on you of course.)

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Well I hope this helps my single ladies who are still in the field, trust me I been there but Mr. Right is out there and waiting for a beautiful woman like you just avoid those pitfalls I listed. 😉 Thank you for reading.

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Is Your Child always on their IPAD?

I noticed something the past few years and its quite interesting how the world has evolved so much. I remember as a kid coming home from school, and trying to finish my homework quickly so I could play outside with my friends. I remember having this next door neighbor Xiomara.  We were the same age and would ride bikes, and walk to the candy store together. It was safe and you didn’t hear about as much crime going on  in the suburbs back then. We use to play hopscotch, jump rope, sledding in the winters in my backyard, red light green light and a host of other outside children’s imaginary games. Children born in this generation dont really do these types of activities…..or at least that what it seems.  Most of the children I know cant wait to use their IPAD or Tablet to play games, or watch YOUTUBE. In the schools these days, 5 year old have cell phones where they can play games and call their parents while at school.  In the summer times as a kid we use to play at the park, and couldn’t wait to get outside.  Now it seems like kids are little geniuses that know how to use a laptop and IPHONE better than me lol.

Its not a bad thing because it exposes them to different ways of learning, and to enhance their intelligence with the way the world is going much sooner.  My fear is that as technology grows, children wont know the joy of a traditional non-millennial childhood.  Are children exposed to ways of the world much too soon? Are taking the innocence away by allowing them to depend on these devices to learn and occupy their time? Each parent raises their children different, and it is a  lot of pressure to keep up with the norm, especially raising kids. I think as long as its used in moderation it can be alright for children.  Their time should definitely be broken up to reading books, playing outside, and doing social recreational activities offline.

Its just as important for kids to disconnect as adults.  Thank you for reading!

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Women- Do we take Accountability?

This is a topic that I really want to get an opinion about because I feel like in this culture its so easy to blame someone for our mistakes, and the way our life is turning or has turned out.  I say this because when I look around, majority of the women I know are not married with children, or have given up on marriage because they feel like it may not happen.  NO marriage is not the end all be all, or many women are happy not getting married and living their own life.  There is a difference between being alone and lonely. My point is, many women are bitter and blame men for being single mothers, or the reason why they have not found love.  We need to ask ourselves, are we pointing the blame on why these things haven’t happened or is it up to us to make our own happiness?

Many women I know like a certain type of guy, and expect they can change the outcome of a situation.  When you have known a man for 1 month and carry out a sexual relationship with no talks about commitment or relationship, and then feel its smart to bring a child into the world with a man you barley know….who do you blame, the man or yourself. Now you are a mother that has to pick up the pieces as a single women and try to get your life back on track if your not married.  This is not a baby mama post – I wrote about that in a prior post, but this is a WHEN DO WE TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY post.  If your knocked up at 32 years old, you cant blame the man, you are old enough and have enough experiences to know the outcome of a making that decision. Ladies lets take accountability for our actions if things don’t turn out in our life the way we planned or hoped for.  Lets not make a desperate decision when it comes to dating thinking we can “Make a situation we want to serve our purpose.  We are lying to ourselves when we do this and when you look in the mirror you know the truth, blame wont change the outcome.

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With that being said, lets make decisions that are healthy for us, like date a guy that has a conversation about commitment with you, get to know a guy before having unprotected sex with him, or see if he is even open to a commitment, this will save you time, and heartache in the long run. Date men who want to get married, or see themselves taking a leap with you.  You deserve the best and make sure you settle for nothing less. If the situation is not healthy or fulfilling, make a decision to not put up with it. Marriage is something many men are willing to give you, but they have to want to give it to YOU. Attaching to him is not the answer. Look out for yourself in the beginning of a romantic relationship so your not putting yourself in a “Single Mothers Box.”  Have fun but don’t make it more than what it IS! Take accountability for your messed up situation. I know too many women that have given up because of the hole they put themselves in FAKE happy but really wish they would have did things different in life.

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Happy Women’s Day!

Hey Beauties!  I am so excited! Today is a day to celebrate US.  We do so much especially us new millennial women. We wear so many hats, both by choice, and by default.  We cook, clean, educated, we work full-time, are caregivers, Wives, Mothers and Bosses.  Its both tiring but yet rewarding. Lets enjoy being Women. Make sure to never forget to pamper yourself, take time out for YOU. Consider doing some of the following in your free time:

-Do your make up, plan a girls trip, go to the spa, get your hair done, have a glass of wine, get a massage, read a good book, start a goal journal, volunteer for a charity, treat yourself to a great dinner, buy yourself something new!

In honor of women’s day I want to share a few of my favorite make up items purchased in the past month below:

Too Faced Chocolate Gold Eye shadow Palette – the metallic colors are gorgeous and great for a night out or everyday wear. Sephora Liquid Lipsticks – they are so pigmented, feel light weight on the lips and a have all sort of amazing colors!  Please if your looking for new make up worth while check these items out!

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Keeping a Goal List

Hey ladies and Gents! I wanted to give you all some inspiration this morning!  Always always keep a personal goal list.  Even if you are married.  Never forget about who you were/are as an individual.  It may be easy to get lost in the noise of a relationship, marriage, becoming a mother or father and forget the personal goals you ave striven for yourself. Remember……not all marriages and relationships last, so who will you be once thats over.  I am not saying that you should look forward to the worst, I am just saying be realistic about how LIFE works.  Also if your a parent, remember children grow up, and become their own personal, with their own goals, wants and feelings which can make you feel alone when they are no longer with you everyday or grow up to be independent. With this being said, be sure to take note of personal goals both financially, and personally.  I like to write mine down, its something about seeing them on paper that makes me feel a bit more connected to them. Many folks like to make notes in the smart phone or computer.  Whatever works best for you, keep track and give yourself a realistic time frame.  For example, I been wanting to buy a house for the past year, and it seems like every time I get close there is a setback, financially.  These the thing about marriage, you both have to work as a team, and if one needs more time, you MUST compromise. 

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