Why I Decided to Give Up Social Media

It was time. I had a Facebook Page since 2010, and before that a MySPACE page since 2005.  When does it get enough of sharing your most intimate moments for people you don’t speak to or haven’t seen in years? When it was just me, as a single woman, no children and really no major responsibilities, it was fun, exciting and a great way to meet new people. But as I entered my 30’s, got married, and planned for my first child, I realized I only want to share these intimate moments with my family and friends that I actually truly know cares about me. I feel like if I am friends with someone on Facebook, but we don’t have each-others phone number or mutual friends, are we truly FRIENDS? The people I consider my friends I can text, pick up the phone and call them, send an email.  We communicate more frequently than not often and I am able to invite them to these intimate moments because they are truly my friends. 

Many people on Social media want to be nosy, or compare their lives to others. Half of most peoples friends are people they went to High=school with but haven’t seen in years and probably didn’t even LIKE in HS. One thing about the internet, once its on there, it gives access to any and everyone to know your business. I use to think, it was alright to post your children but you don’t know what lunatic is lurking or can get access to your kids, location, home etc. I am not trying to be Hippocratic because I once was on social media but find it refreshing to know I have some bit of privacy. I use to faithfully scroll through Instagram and FB when I had the apps, almost like second nature. Now its almost been a year since I disconnected, and don’t miss it at all. If I want to learn the latest gossip, I will try YOUTUBE. Honestly I would rather just BLOG. 

Thanks for Reading!

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What Happened to Lyrics that Matter?

Good morning!  I was inspired to write a post on this song by Kanye West, it was one of his biggest hits at the start of his career, and to me, one of the most lyrical profound songs.  I am talking about “All Falls Down” featuring Syleena Johnson.  It was released in 2004 on the album The College Dropout.  He really changed a lot from when he first came out as a rap artist.  His music had great messages.  I am not taking away what his music sounds like now, but I do feel some of his best work was before he became “Hollywood.”  Please see what I mean below.  I will put the lyrics below and give my synopsis on them. 

Man I promise, she’s so self conscious
She has no idea what she’s doing in college
That major that she majored in don’t make no money
But she won’t drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain’t insecure
The concept of school seems so secure
Sophomore three years aint picked a career
She like fuck it, I’ll just stay down here and do hair
Cause that’s enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don’t really care
She’s so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn’t afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can’t believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well

This first verse speaks to over 75% of college students that grow up in environment with obstacles.  Its almost like a story and you can see this girls face, and the struggle of doing what is best for her, and her child…..along with meeting others expectations. 

Man I promise, I’m so self conscious
That’s why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha’s done drove me crazy
I can’t even pronounce nothing, pass that versace!
Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain’t up on this!
And I can’t even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living the american dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper, look how low we a’stoop
Even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coop/coupe

This is my favorite verse because its soooo real.  The last line speaks volume, “Even though you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coupe, meaning don’t material how many material fancy thing you accomplish, you still a nigga. Period. Deep.

I say fuck the police, that’s how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can’t buy freedom
We’ll buy a lot of clothes when we don’t really need em
Things we buy to cover up what’s inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That’s why shortys hollering “where the ballas’ at?”
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that
But I ain’t even goin’ act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I’d do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it’s all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won’t get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I’m just the first to admit it

These are the type of messages that may me enjoy listening to Kanye, I cant say I am going to be anxious to hear his new album, but I may listen to see what his message is now.  Thanks for Reading!!!!

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These Damn Cell Phones?!

Today on the train I had time to observe something I am sure we all have noticed in the past decade, PEOPLE ARE GLUED TO THEIR CELL PHONES. I was sitting no the train reading emails in MY PHONE, and as I glance over out the window to a passing train going the same way, I was able to peep in and see almost everyone on the train had their head down face first in their phone.  People either were scrolling through social media, listening to music, on the internet, and I am sure various other tasks.  Whats interesting is how we have become so accustom to always having our cell phones with us.  Its like we never once was able to exist with out them.  If you think back 30 years ago, there was no such thing as a cellular phone.  I believe they had just created the car phones which was the newest invention.  It amazes me how even I cant leave home without my cell phone.  Its literally my life line to my family, friends, bank account, email, photos etc.  

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HOW DID WE DEVELOP CELL PHONE DEPENDENCY?

From what I understand I think it comes down to convenience.  As humans, we will invest in whatever makes our lives easier.  We are easily smitten by the media and its newest inventions to make money.  Every 6 months they come out with a new device that seems to make our lives easier with even faster wi-fi connections.  Along with the newest cell phones, they even have watches that can notify you of missed texts and phone calls.  Is this even necessary?  Don’t get me wrong, I would be an anxious wreck if I didn’t have my cell phone, or to text my husband throughout the day, or have access to my bank account etc.  Its just crazy how we as human got to this place of dependency.  Its definitely a way for the government to keep money flowing in along with student loan debt, taxes, and other ways that humans contribute that are unseen.  If you ever want to see what I am saying, sit and pay attention to the folks around you, how many people are holding or on their cell phone.  Besides talking on the phone, or listening to music, pay attention to folks on the elevator, train, bus, patiently waiting etc. and you will see many people avoid awkward eye contact, conversation, because we have become so prone to being social on our cell phones and less social in person. Just something to observe if you haven’t already.  Thanks for Reading!

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Illuminati, Stay Right Where You Are!

The Media sucks, plain and simple.  They pull us in by broadcasting what is trending at the time and force us to swallow it until its no longer a HOT TOPIC.  Many of these things displayed in the media are planned and sponsored by the big guys behind the scene. The money you have, or can generate will dictate how much love and support the media will give you. If you can bring media attention, and make them money, you can have the spot light.  The media LOVES people who make an ass of themselves and don’t care.  They will actually pay these people to do something unethical JUST to bring attention to their media platform whether its be radio, News, TV, Social media sites etc. For example, Kanye West, he made a complete ass of himself last week and the media took to it, and forced his coonery down our throats.  That’s why they give him the attention cause they support him being an attention whore.  I am not trying to put anyone down in this blog post, but it makes me sick how the media will give the attention to those that really are irrelevant to our lives. Another example is Kim Kardashian.  Hey, I am not hating on her, she pulled the worlds attention in by her fiasco’s and attention whore ways and it paid off for herself and family.  So you think, Kim and Kanye both will do whatever they deem fit to keep media attention them even if it is unethical, selfish, makes no sense.  

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We can look at this as entertainment but when is enough, enough.  When do you sit back and realize making dumb decisions to get media attention is only going to hurt you in the long run.  Another example, the Kardashian sisters all have babies out of wedlock accept Kim (whose marriage I think is crumbling but they are going to hide it and be fake for  ratings.) *sidenote* Typically if these were African american woman, it would be looked down upon, judged, and definitely not gloried in the media.  Its just a double standard.  If it was another rapper who made a fool of themselves like Kanye West did, they would be more than likely black balled.  Oh, but since its Kanye, watch he have an album drop in a few weeks so we LOVE him again, and low key forget what of an ass he made of himself last week.  

One last example, Cardi B, hey she is winning right now.  The media gives her so much attention, and the record labels have put so much money behind her because she is playing the media game, she posts snap chats, Instagram posts almost everyday, she shared 90% of her life online and the media loves her ratchetness. So anyone that is willing to be recruited by the media and play their role to generate a profit whether you sell your soul or not, will be front and center with the medias attention, President TRUMP keeps himself in the media for the WRONG reasons….smh….stay woke lol. Thank you for reading!

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Why are we still calling it…..Reality TV??!

At some point it has to stop.  This fake world of trying to get famous quick or become relevant again.  That is what I call fake TV aka Reality TV.  It really has got out of hand!I use to watch reality TV when I was a teenager when it first became popular into my adulthood.  Just recently say about 1 year ago I stopped cold turkey.  When reality TV first became popular with shows like The Real World, Making The Band, Bad Girls Club, Catfish, Basketball Wives, Teenage Moms, The Bachelor etc I watched Reality TV.  I had a laundry list of shows I use to DVR so I didn’t miss while I was at school or work.  It became addictive quick because it allowed you to look into the lives of others, and see all the dysfunction, which pulled you in to the drama once a week.  Its like an addiction.  You can literally be so consumed with making sure you catch up on your reality TV shows that you don’t want to do anything else.  They got us hooked!  

reality-tvAs time went on, you started noticing that regular TV shows became non existent, and replaced by this new thing called Reality TV.  Its as if it took over.  Soon that is all you could find.  Now in 2018, majority of the shows on TV are some form of Reality TV type show.  What sucks is that REALITY TV is NOT REAL!  The definition I googled on Reality TV is: television programs in which real people are continuously filmed, designed to be entertaining rather than informative.  Which means aka – we will make fake story lines or exaggerate scenes for ratings so we can keep people glued in, even if it comes down to acting or creating a fake scene.  How is something fake, your reality?  Many of these Reality TV stars are famous because of social media.  If they did not have a following, and fans that want to see more of the foolery from their show, they would not have a name for themselves.  I will use Cardi B for example.  This woman has been rapping, and trying to put her music out there for years.  She used reality TV as a platform to get her name out there, and to quit stripping.  The money from reality TV helped her, and thus created a huge following for her personality and appearance on Reality TV show Love & Hiphop.  Cardi used social media and her popularity to push her music and create an even bigger name for herself. This goes to show you how powerful Reality TV and Social media, even if its FAKE.  Even if you are given fake roles and story lines for ratings.  America loves drama if its not their OWN.

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My issue with Reality TV is that its making any and everyone famous who don’t have shit to offer positive to society.  Its like these new age rappers which music sucks can push a song on social media, or have an appearance on Reality TV and if they create a buzz, now there trending.  Hey, I am not hating, get it how you live but what happen to good traditional TV shows like: In Living Color, Fresh Prince of Bel-air, Martin, Sister, Sister, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Beverly Hills 90210 etc.?  Honestly, I don’t even watch cable anymore, I watch Netflix, HULU and shows that actually have good actors, that are entertaining in a GOOD way. I am not knocking anyone who needs their Reality TV fix but honestly I had enough.  I hope they bring good old fashion TV back. Thank you for Reading! 

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How to Stay Positive While Waiting For Mr. Right

It seemed like yesterday that I was a single woman, exhausted with dating, and had reached a point where I was over it! It seemed like the older to became, and the more you obtained on your own, the options got smaller for potential candidates that would work long term. Now that I am married, and much in love with my husband, I can confirm it was very much so worth the wait for the right partner. I can definitely say dating the in 20th century is challenging.  You have so many outlets such as online dating, speed dating, Mobile apps such as Tinder, Social media etc. where you can meet a potential match. What makes this challenging is that sometimes too many options can become overwhelming and cloud your judgement on who would make an ideal candidate for you.

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Typically you think that if a guy was interested, he would pursue and court you to show he is serious about a relationship.  In this day and age, he can pursue you just to have a sexual encounter.  I believe that’s why its so important to make it clear on what you are looking for from the start so that no one feels led on or taken advantage of.  I know it is not that cut and dry. Most men don’t look for a woman he can jump into a relationship right away if he has options so, typically those types of guys have to be single and get it OUT their system before commitment or you will be a very unhappy woman trying to tame that type of beast.  If a man is ready he will be patient, and spend alot of time getting to know you, and learn if there is a potential future with you, with or without sex. So for my single gals I wanted to put together a list of ways to stay positive while waiting for Mr. Right, and signs to look for to avoid Mr. Right Now.

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Things to do to Stay Positive While waiting for Mr. Right:

1) Stack your Money – A woman with the bag can make moves as she deem fit. You wont have to wait for anyone to take you out, and you can spend that free single time traveling and seeing the world with friends.  There is nothing more attractive than a financially stable woman who can make her own and add to.  Save and cut back on areas that you can so when the right person comes along, you have funds set aside for a potential wedding, starting a family etc and to treat yourself.

2) Build a close relationship with GOD- Learn more about your spiritual side, connect and have a bond with him to show you the way while in wait.  Talk to GOD about what you want the out some of the next few years to be, and listen closely to the steps he advises to take.  This will keep you sharp and positive while in wait, and away from wolves in sheep clothing.

3) Keep a Goal list – Keep a list of goals written down.  This will allow you to check off each life goal you have been wanting to accomplish while in wait.  Once you get married and start a family, many of the goals will be put on hold because now it wont be just about you.  Focus on achieving these goals so that your focus is not on rushing to get married, or Mr. Right.  This will also help you look back on life with minimal regrets on what you should have done.

Signs to Look for to avoid Mr. Right NOW:

1) If a man tells you he is not looking for nothing serious believe him. Do not make it more than what it is, and definitely do not put yourself in a situation to get pregnant by him because promise you that it wont work, and he will NOT marry you.  You will end up single and a mother which makes thing snow 10x harder to date, and Find Mr. Right because you are stressing about making things work with Mr. Right Now’s child.

2) If your going to sleep with a guy early, make sure you have a conversation with yourself that you will NOT make it more than what it is because the worst thing you can do is have a sexual encounter with Mr. Right Now, and you are not in a commitment.  If there are no talks of a relationship than you will NOT be the only one he sleeps with.  It does not matter how good you put it on him. Trust me if you are trying to put it on him, someone else is too.  Run….far away. Do not get your heart tied up in this mess.  If you want a conversation time to time thats cool too, but keep other options and do not make sex a consistent thing with this guy, it will back fire when the sex gets old. I seen this happen to too many women.

3) Avoid lay up and chill situations. If he can’t take time to have a conversation, spend time out with you, he isnt on anything serious.  Never assume, always let him tell you and show you he is interested.  Don’t sleep around of course, but date different people to see what you like.  Have options, men keep options right?  Always remember we are in control (women) if sex happens so if it does, you can only blame yourself (unless he forces himself on you of course.)

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Well I hope this helps my single ladies who are still in the field, trust me I been there but Mr. Right is out there and waiting for a beautiful woman like you just avoid those pitfalls I listed. 😉 Thank you for reading.

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Is Your Child always on their IPAD?

I noticed something the past few years and its quite interesting how the world has evolved so much. I remember as a kid coming home from school, and trying to finish my homework quickly so I could play outside with my friends. I remember having this next door neighbor Xiomara.  We were the same age and would ride bikes, and walk to the candy store together. It was safe and you didn’t hear about as much crime going on  in the suburbs back then. We use to play hopscotch, jump rope, sledding in the winters in my backyard, red light green light and a host of other outside children’s imaginary games. Children born in this generation dont really do these types of activities…..or at least that what it seems.  Most of the children I know cant wait to use their IPAD or Tablet to play games, or watch YOUTUBE. In the schools these days, 5 year old have cell phones where they can play games and call their parents while at school.  In the summer times as a kid we use to play at the park, and couldn’t wait to get outside.  Now it seems like kids are little geniuses that know how to use a laptop and IPHONE better than me lol.

Its not a bad thing because it exposes them to different ways of learning, and to enhance their intelligence with the way the world is going much sooner.  My fear is that as technology grows, children wont know the joy of a traditional non-millennial childhood.  Are children exposed to ways of the world much too soon? Are taking the innocence away by allowing them to depend on these devices to learn and occupy their time? Each parent raises their children different, and it is a  lot of pressure to keep up with the norm, especially raising kids. I think as long as its used in moderation it can be alright for children.  Their time should definitely be broken up to reading books, playing outside, and doing social recreational activities offline.

Its just as important for kids to disconnect as adults.  Thank you for reading!

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The Social Media Experience

Good morning!!!! Happy Monday.  I felt compelled to write about something that has become so main stream and so normal that people are shocked when you do not utilize it. SOCIAL MEDIA.  I will admit, I use to be on there for years, I remember having a Black planet Page, that was the first, then MYSPACE, next Facebook and Now Instagram.  I saw the social media phenomenon over the years take off!  It was exciting cause you can meet people across the country and as it progressed, showcase your life, and stay in touch with friends/family from a distance.  But I must ask, has social media really bought us closer????

You can analyze this in two ways, does it cause you to verbally speak more, or do you find yourself scrolling and taking in every picture and post with envy if it “LOOKS” like they have the perfect life? Does this cause you to want to call them to support, or be nosy and find out whats going on?  The thing about social media is that it can turn into a competition on who can showcase all of their business the most, and whose lives look the best based on pictures, and status updates and shared internet quotes. Don’t get me wrong, its amazing to see everyone doing GREAT, but what I have learned is that people only post what they want you to know!  A picture is only a moment in time.  That picture can be the false smile of a girl that is considering suicide, that happy couples picture can be a mending of a abusive relationship that everyone thinks is the perfect couple. The status update can be from a man or woman who constantly compares their life to what others are doing but has lost reality of themselves.

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My point is, remember social media is a fake word.  Its a place where you can show the world either your REAL life or How you WISH your life really was.   You ever wonder why some people delete their accounts?  They probably caught a case of FACEBOOK or Instagram Envy and wanted to divorce themselves from that feeling. It may sound crazy but its real I am pretty sure everyone has experience it once whether it was personal, financial or recreational.  Someone posted something that made you feel a way at some point in time.

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I always recommend to take time out to disconnect.  Everyone does not have to know your next move in life.  Some moments are sacred. Special. For you and your family. Don’t let your life get dictated by what the majority is doing, do it because it serves value to yourself and always consider what you post because Trust me once its on the internet it stays forever. Thanks for Reading guys!

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