Postpartum – That’s some Real SHHHHH

I want to start off by saying, I am grateful that I do not have this – but I want to address how close you can become to having it if you were able to avoid what many mothers experience after giving birth. The best way I can describe it from a non-diagnosed stand point is a depression and or life changing event that causes your life that you knew before motherhood to have gone away and everything is weighting on you.  Having children is one of the biggest life changes because once its done, it cant be reversed.  When a child is born they are now a living spirit that needs care and love to be able to survive on this earth until GOD calls them home.  For a parent, this is a huge responsibility.  Many take it for granted but that’s another conversation.  Women connect with their child as soon as pregnancy is confirmed.   The fact that you can feel and see this ball cells forming in your body with a heartbeat within thanks to modern technology is amazing and causes a woman to instantly connect to this life she created. It truly is a gift. BUT, although you carry this little embryo/fetus around with you for 9 months, your life is still somewhat the same because it hasn’t physically arrived.   

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When your little human makes their entrance your so excited and cant wait to make them feel safe and loved if your a good parent.  We have this picture painted in our mind so of the type of mother we will be.  What happens with postpartum is that after you get home and the banter of a new baby from friends and family dies down, the reality of the responsibility kicks in from numerous diaper changes, crying, lack of sleep, excess body baby weight, not feeling yourself, other kids in the home if you have multiple, managing the home, husband or partner, cooking cleaning, going back to work among trying to find time to give yourself self care and manage a social life…alot right? Mothers do it all – especially career orientated moms.  With all this being said, this can cause a mother to spazz out and completely lose it if she does not have a good support system whether it be a spouse, parent, friends, care givers, partner etc.  Many woman have committed suicide cause they couldn’t take it, or even abandoned their families.  Shit gets Real! I am greatful that I have a grip on raising my daughter and my own life by staying true to me and keeping the hobbies that make me who I was before becoming a mother.  Taking time for myself as I can.  I still have a long way to go, she is only almost 4 months, but I got a good start such as making a space in the house for me and what I like to do such as blog/write/read. Keeping my facial treatments together, going back to work to take time to myself without the baby. Making play dates or dinner dates with other moms, just to name a few.  

What was your postpartum story and any advice for other moms? Thanks for Reading!

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The Rise of Single Motherhood

I’m sure this is a topic that many of us have known to become true in the last couple of decades for women of all races but I’m going to focus on African American women because studies show that we have the highest rise in single motherhood than the other groups.

There are many reasons we can point the blame to but the truth be told that it’s so common these days that we have become to accept it as normal. Let’s fist discuss some of the potential reasons that started this epidemic:

-Many African American fathers are dead or in jail. Half our men have been killed with by the police or crime involvement weather voluntarily or innocent bystander. Black men get locked up and much harsher sentencing than any other race so it’s not surprising many of them are in jail and unable to raise their children. Many of the reasoning for black men to go to jail are environment upbringings that put them in a situation to survive such as selling drugs for money, crime to feed family or finding no way out of unfortunate circumstances. These are reasons that we have known for many years challenge African American men.

This has trickled down to the households where girlfriends and wives of black men are left as widows or single mothers because these men are no longer in the home to help raise the family. So this falls on the shoulders of the women. It’s like a domino effect.

Now let’s shoot years later in the new millennium and examine how this mentality has become normal. For many years we have seen grandmothers, mothers, sisters, cousins, friends and aunts raise their children alone for whatever reason that the father is not involved or in the home that we have come accustom to accepting that this is what is alright. I say this now because almost everyone knows at least two or more black single mothers that never been married to the father, or decided to become a single mother by choice without hesitation. It’s like we come together as a sisterhood and support this thinking because we are so use to doing it alone due to growing up and seeing many of our fore-mothers raising children alone due to the circumstances above. When something is common it’s likely to become normalized and that’s why I feel it’s a rise in the black community.

We can’t forget the small group of women that feel they would be good moms and raise a child themselves without the father and this may potentially be true to the fact that women are becoming head of household, have higher educations in the black community to the male counterparts, less crime rate and affiliation, and hold jobs that allow the income to raise a child on their own. So with this belief many women feel empowered that they can be a great single mother by choice.

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There are upsides and downsides which affect not having a family structure. Many we already know and understand and sometimes it’s best not to be in a situation that is unhealthy for parents and child. In this situation a healthy co parenting situation will be better if not JUST as rewarding for everyone involved. If this is priority in most single family households, we could see less affects in the black community. What do you think? Thanks for reading!