Ladies….Are You Dating A User?

Ladies, beware of men that want to date you to benefit off you financially. If a man is asking you to make a financial commitment with him without a relationship long term commitment, he may be just using you for financial support or opportunity. Reason I say beware is because I have a friend who is smitten  by a guy she met out of state.  They have hung out probably a hand full of times due to the distance, but she still has strong feelings for him.  How I know is that she is always asking me advice, and my opinion on some of the things he does.  Typically when we ask questions about our significant other or someone we are dating, we are unsure about a situation or feel uneasy and may be looking for reassurance.  She has mentioned that they have conversations about marriage, and he says he wants to get married one day and that although havent spent much quality time together, he feels she is the one. Now, I know my friend wants to get married soon.  We have had conversations about this.  She already has children and wants to have another baby before 35.  She is currently 33 and will be turning 34 soon.  She also wants to be married to the childs father this time around.  So, I know she has picked his brain regarding marriage and if he is serious about her.  

What draws red flags about this guy to me are the following:

  1. He has never been up to see her in her own state, but she has been there to see him a hand full of times.
  2. He has a cell phone in his baby mama name which show ties to another woman still, which can potentially could mean he is still dealing with his sons mother.
  3. He seems to be giving empty promises of marriage and that she could be the one but how do you know when there hasn’t been enough QUALITY time together?  Its hard enough dating someone locally but out of state really needs to spend time together before commitment, and not just talk time on the phone.  Especially when kids are involved. 
  4. He is comfortable talking about OTHER women to her when he attends events or goes out, most men wont just speak about other women being interested in them if they are all about you UNLESS you specifically ask.  Most men don’t want to give you the impression they are still on the market or giving others attention when they are serious about you.

What makes me think he may be trying to use her for financial gain is that they opened a credit card together which I can tell she was reluctant to tell me, but she admitted this and was upset because he maxed out the card and has only been making the minimum payments.  Honestly, he may even skipped a few payment and paid late.  Next he is asking her to file his taxes and consolidate his student loans for him because he is in default and needs some help getting them back on track.  Next she needs a new car, and due to his lack of payments on the credit card they have together, this has affected her credit, now she may need a co signer or to get the car in someone else name.  WTF?! I will be  damned if I am doing all this for a wish and a dream that this person will marry me and continue sending empty promises.

I write this to say, ladies sometimes we get ahead of ourselves for LOVE and in the end, it FUCKS us in the ass literally, no pleasure lol.  This guy clearly sounds like he may have an interest in my friend but using her for financial help. If you think I am over thinking this, did I mention she sent him money a few times and has yet to pay her back???Now you see…..

If you encounter someone who seems like a leach RUN THE OTHER WAY~~~~

Thank you for reading! Do you have a friend or family member in a situation like this???




Humans are selfish

I know the title comes off as a blanket statement but humans are naturally selfish. What I mean is that the way the world is designed, if our needs as human are not getting met, by nature we look for a way to feel this void. Many of the outlets can include sex, drugs, socialism, companionship, committing crimes, murder and many of decisions that may not be in our best interest.

Don’t get me wrong I think it’s important to always consider your well being and to respect others. If you don’t look out for yourself while walking this earth who will? But I really want to touch on the topic of selfishness that tends to hurt others. Often times as humans we get caught up in what we lack that it’s easy to disregard what we do have. The term grass is greener on the other side is a great way for example. If a human is not getting its needs met in a situation that’s toxic to your well being such as emotionally, mentally, physically as far as health is concerned, these need to be considered and yes you must do what’s best for you and that other person to get out of a toxic unfulfilling situation. On the flip side there is a such thing as selfishness for the wrong unnatural man made reasons such as cheating, lusting, stealing, hurting others, manipulation to get what you want, harm to others to get ahead, mentally and emotionally terrorizing another person because of your own hurt and pain….the lost can go on. This is what I mean by people are naturally selfish and when this is not understood, it’s easy for someone to hurt others to get needs met. It’s a learned behavior and many times a way to feel a temporary void that unfortunately we may not always be able to come back from.

What do you think about humans and selfishness? Thanks for reading!

Celebrating Women!

I wanted to make a post centered around celebrating women! Being a woman comes with many reward and challenges.  We have come a long way for equal rights and I must say, LADIES…we are dominating but still have along way to go.  First lets celebrate what we have achieved in the past decades!  


#1. Independence – We have been able to secure some of the top careers in places that we were never able to navigate such as politics, running for president, mayor, governor, CEO of some of the largest fortune five hundred companies. We now are mothers and head of household in many homes. We are able to raise children and have a prosperous career at the same time. Although we have a ways to go when it comes to equal pay among-st our male counter parts, lets celebrate this achievement thus far!

#2. Education – We have been able to secure education status of Masters, Doctoral, JD status just to name a few.  In the past, we had to sit back and watch our male counter parts dominate the education system and get the better jobs, but now, ladies we are able to go as high as we want in the education system and change some of the though process from the past that we were to be barefoot and pregnant after high-school.  NOT ANYMORE!


#3. Women of Color – I want to celebrate ladies of color because the struggle IS real. Although for ALL women have faced and issues, women of color have faced many additional challenges from racism, judgement, media and scrutiny just to name a few for decades and still have a long road to go. The day that all women can come together and make their power and presence known, we can overcome some of the challenges still faced as a GENDER. Forget a RACE, lets band together as a GENDER and knock the socks of these dick heads!  Unity is stronger than individual segregation. Lets celebrate women AND women of color pressing forward and staying strong when everyone else has been against us ALL. What you say?


If there is anything else you believe should be celebrated by all women please comment and share, thank you for Reading!


Having a Peace of Mind….

What does this mean?  Does it mean not to have a worry in the world, or to let your mind wander to a place with no despair?  I really cant put a definition to it but I will say there is NOTHING like having a peace of mind.  When I look up the googled definition here is what I found:

If something gives you peace of mind , it stops you from worrying about a particular thing or event.


There are times in life where I have had a piece of mind, and in most cases it was when I felt like I was in control of something.  Now looking back, a sense of control was a hidden sense of fear from things falling apart.  I don’t think we ever REALLY have control over anything in life. Sometimes things are up to chance or just natural causes. The only person that can really control THIS THING CALLED LIFE IS GOD. A spiritual healer and guide to help us navigate our purpose here on earth by listening.  Sometimes the loudest response is what has not been said. What made me really write a post about Having A Peace of mind is that we spend so much time worrying about things that we have absolutely no control over that we miss some  of the most amazing milestones in our life. Each year we get older and the years get numbered.  What have we accomplished so far?  Or did we spend the them full of worry and concern that we let all this valuable time pass us by. My mother said something to my sister and I the other day that hit home, and one day soon I will under stand.  She said ” I am not sixty five year old, there will be a day where there will be more days in your past than you have in your future.” This hit home because at her age she see’s a shortened road than I do in my thirties or my niece in her teens. When your young you feel like you have the world ahead of you, and plenty of time to accomplish life’s wonders. But in reality we have to use each day and year like its the best time. There are RIGHT times in life and those are the ones GOD allows to happen. One phrase I like is “its not what happens to you, but how you respond to what has happened.” 

Thank you for Reading!


Recommended Author of The Month

I want to share an amazing author with you!  She writes books for the soul and that provides a sense of awareness for each person as an individual.  Her books are motivational and encouraging, which everyone needs time to time. I have personally read “Thirty” which is a definite recommended read.  I also am currently reading “In Case Nobody Told You.”  Check her out here:

Her name is Emily Maroutian. Her material can be found on 

“A Second Opinion” – Theories and Observations on Life and Human Behavior414Bi-jLgWL._UY250_

“The Process of I” – An exploration into the Intertwined Relationship between Identity and Environment


“The Energy of Emotions” -The 10 Emotional Environments and How They Shape The World Around Us


Page from this book:

“Thirty” – A Collection of Personal Quotes, Advice and Lessons


“The Empowered Self” – Over 100 Activities and Steps for Creating An Empowered Mind


“The Book Of Relief” – Passages and Exercises to Relieve Negative Emotion and Create More Ease in The Body


“Adventures in Thinking” – Opening the Mind Beyond Practiced Limitations


“In Case Nobody Told You” – Passages of Wisdom and Encouragement


Here is a sample page from the book:

Thank you for Reading!

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These Damn Cell Phones?!

Today on the train I had time to observe something I am sure we all have noticed in the past decade, PEOPLE ARE GLUED TO THEIR CELL PHONES. I was sitting no the train reading emails in MY PHONE, and as I glance over out the window to a passing train going the same way, I was able to peep in and see almost everyone on the train had their head down face first in their phone.  People either were scrolling through social media, listening to music, on the internet, and I am sure various other tasks.  Whats interesting is how we have become so accustom to always having our cell phones with us.  Its like we never once was able to exist with out them.  If you think back 30 years ago, there was no such thing as a cellular phone.  I believe they had just created the car phones which was the newest invention.  It amazes me how even I cant leave home without my cell phone.  Its literally my life line to my family, friends, bank account, email, photos etc.  



From what I understand I think it comes down to convenience.  As humans, we will invest in whatever makes our lives easier.  We are easily smitten by the media and its newest inventions to make money.  Every 6 months they come out with a new device that seems to make our lives easier with even faster wi-fi connections.  Along with the newest cell phones, they even have watches that can notify you of missed texts and phone calls.  Is this even necessary?  Don’t get me wrong, I would be an anxious wreck if I didn’t have my cell phone, or to text my husband throughout the day, or have access to my bank account etc.  Its just crazy how we as human got to this place of dependency.  Its definitely a way for the government to keep money flowing in along with student loan debt, taxes, and other ways that humans contribute that are unseen.  If you ever want to see what I am saying, sit and pay attention to the folks around you, how many people are holding or on their cell phone.  Besides talking on the phone, or listening to music, pay attention to folks on the elevator, train, bus, patiently waiting etc. and you will see many people avoid awkward eye contact, conversation, because we have become so prone to being social on our cell phones and less social in person. Just something to observe if you haven’t already.  Thanks for Reading!



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Rejection is God’s Protection…..So You Don’t Say?

I remember hearing this phrase growing up that “Rejection is God’s Protection.”  When you hear this as a kid or young adult, you don’t find much meaning to it.  What I mean is….you really don’t care what the message is, you just WANT what you Want in that moment, and will be willing to do almost anytime to get it.  I am sure majority of us can look back on a situation in life that kept setting us back from what we thought we wanted at the time. can we couldn’t understand why?!  We felt like God is punishing us, and we don’t understand whats going on.  As you get older, this message has more significance because we have more experiences to share. Typically as an adult who understands this message, we can look back on life and see a time when we were rejected.  We thought it was the end of the world until we seen the potential outcome, or what could HAVE been and praise GOD that he prevented the end result from happening.  In return it did not affect us.  This was GOD’s protection.  


Many times hear on earth we have been accustomed to living MAN’S way instead of the GODLY way.  That is why we have struggles, and obstacles, setbacks, hurt, pain, and situations that we lack understanding. I am not the most religious person at all, but I do agree that points in the bible were written to keep human kind on the straight and narrow path to avoid the world’s destruction.  We are living in MAN’S selfish time so that why we are facing alot of corruption in the 20th century. (in my opinion). I am a living witness where I may have wanted something so bad in the past and GOD rejected it from my life.  After time went on and I got through the sadness of the situation, I was able to look back and be grateful that I made it through because the end result was not favorable and would had brought MAN’S obstacles that we wanted to prevent me from.  It can be the most simplest of situations from dating someone, obtaining a specific job, moving some place, traveling somewhere, avoiding a car accident, ending up hurting yourself etc. The list goes on.  


So when you face a moment where GOD keeps showing you rejection, and you feel lost.  Always remember he has something better, that’s meant for you, and will save hard ache.  You aren’t suppose to see it now, but your suppose to TRUST THE Journey. Let GO, and Let GOD. When you least expect it, what was meant wont be an obstacle, it will fall in your lap willingly and be even more worth the wait. TIMING is everything in this day and age, but unfortunately its one of the hardest things to be patient with.  Thank you Reading!


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Oh This Thing We Call Marriage….

I can’t be 100% with this comment, but I can guarantee 90 % of women want to get married one day.  How do I know?  Well at some point we want to stop dating, sleeping with different men, and to start a family with ONE person.  We as woman want a purpose, and we get to a point where sewing our wild oats like a man gets really old, say in our late 20’s to mid 30’s. So thus when we find a potential candidate that wants the same things as us in a relationship we consider marriage and creating a family foundation. 

The reality is that although we WANT marriage at some point, it is WORK.  It is constant changing of feelings, opinions and financial factors.  These can alter how strong your relationship is over time.  That is why they say you must marry someone you have a connection/bond with because only this will get you through tough times.  Not sex, not money, not children.  The BOND. I would say the biggest factor that can get you through tough times is communication.  Without this, you basically are two zombies forced to deal with each other until someone reaches their breaking points. This sucks. Many women get to a point where they JUST want it because of their age or to have children, and will take any candidate that looks like he will give it to them especially as women get older.  This isn’t a bright idea because all you will be putting yourself through is misery and a jail sentence.  This you get divorced and now you wasted all your youthful years with the wrong man which will bring resentment.  This is the same for men, marrying the wrong woman will be a disaster in the long run, or short run. Then when kids get involved it really takes a turn for the worst if their is lack in communication, because they will pick up on this and act out.

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My point is, marriage is constant compromise and WORK so make sure to keep a close bond/communication open with your partner.  Below are some ways that can help this:



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Why Stress….We Cant Control The Outcome?!

This thing called LIFE I tell you…..don’t it feel like sometimes if it isn’t one thing, its another?  You can have a set of great weeks in a row, and sail through life on cloud nine, then BOOM! Some bullshit shakes up your world and you have to figure out how to keep it together. This in return brings stress.  This can be mentally, physically, and emotionally.  They all suck!  Well the one thing we do know is we stress…..why though?  What can we really do to fix it when we stress ourselves out about it?  Well we do it Because its out of our control, and we want to fix it right away!!!!! Its in human’s natures to control the situation in hopes of a preferred outcome.  As we get older and experience more, we realize that WE HAVE NO CONTROL, and the only thing we can do is CONTROL how we respond to it.  


What are some ways to keep from stressing????  Well find things to do to block whats going on out your mind by finding hobbies that you enjoy, for me that is SHOPPING THERAPY!  Something that also helps is make a list of what is stressing you, and write down ways to will tackle it……its something about writing things down or journaling how you feel in your smart phone that helps keep you on point to targeting what is stressing you out. Remember, nothing last forever, that’s the bright side in stress, it will one day be over…..How soon?  That’s up to GOD and how you respond.


One thing I know for sure, as long as we are humans walking this earth and living life, stress is unavoidable, we just need to find the best way to cope and keep it to a minimum so it does not take us over!  Below are some helpful ways to deal with stress.  Thank you for Reading!    



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PIINK DIIVA has been Nominated for the Liebster Award! 🥇

I want to thank my beautiful follower 5’2withanattitude for nominating me with the Liebster Award.


Below are some questions that were asked to those nominated for this Blogger award that I am excited to share with you. Majority of these questions are to get to know me better, and see how much we may have in common.

1. Thinking back to grade school, what TV show was your favorite?

My favorite grade school show that I use to watch every morning was The Bozo Show.  If anyone remembers this show it was that crazy clown who always did pranks, and had kids on his show play the Grand Prize game to win prizes.  He also showed cartoons during his show such as Woody Wood Pecker, and Yogi the Bear. This was definitely a great childhood memory.

2 What was your most memorable moment in 2017?

My most memorable moment in 2017 was my 1 year anniversary.  I got married in 2016 and when I hit my 1 year mark of marriage with my husband it was a great day.


3 If you were trapped on a deserted island, and you were allowed to bring any three people — dead, alive, famous, or non famous– who would they be and why?

If I was trapped on an island and allowed three people there is no question it would be:

-Mom, sister, and my husband


4 Describe yourself in 3 words.

Ambitious, Analytical, Relatable

5 What is your most guiltiest pleasure?

My guilty pleasure is sweets, especially cupcakes – Red Velvet – Yummy!

6 What are 3 things you take with you everywhere no matter what?

My purse – I cant leave home without my purse – if you need me to be specific probably my cell phone.

7 What is one book you started reading and never finished but wished you had?

The 48 Laws of Power


6 If you could choose an alternate first name for yourself, what would it be?

Honestly I would probably just use my middle name which is Andrea


What makes me passionate about writing:

What makes me passionate about writing is that many times other share the same opinions and experiences as you, and we don’t always have the means to connect or vent to these people any other way.  Sometimes family and friends do not understand what your going through, so writing is a way to reach beyond your limits and connect with those that may be able to get your through those turbulent times.  Also its a way of self expression, and promotes creativity.  Its just an awesome way to share thoughts and feelings.

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Is this Free Will or was I Destined to Go Through This?


I am not the most religious person, let me start by saying that.  I always wondered how this THING called life is set up.  As I got older, things start to become more clear. Life is a journey, not a marathon. Every person has been through ups and downs, and has a set journey specific to them.  One question I have asked my mom many times: does everyone we meet significant in our lives serve a purpose? For example, when we get married, is this person destined to be our wife/husband? When we have children with someone, were we meant to “mate” with this person so our off spring can be created? These are questions that you can answer differently depending on how you look at it.

When we think about our life being made up of “Free Will, the meaning I found is: “the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one’s own discretion.”  Yes we can make decisions in life and they may not all be “godly” or what he has planned, but did we actually choose this as our decision, or was this God’s fate all along.  Sometimes I do think that we have free will during our journey planned by GOD for example, I do believe our journey is pre-determained.  When we listen to GOD or that spiritual nature such as “gut feelings, living by the bible, avoiding man’s sins, listening and learning who our guardian angels are on earth are all designed to keep us on the path GOD has for us.  When we add free will into it, this allows us to veer off path and make a decision that is not GODLY such as pre-marital sex – which can result in heartbreak, kids out of wedlock or with the wrong person, suicide, early death from what should not have been, pretty much anything sinful can lead us off track and cut life short or make obstacles in our life. 

When I think of Pre-determained, I truly believe that GOD has a plan for all of us. The meaning I found is: predestine (an outcome or course of events). Every soul born onto this earth in my opinion has a pre-determained path and a spiritual goal to fulfill. Many of us because of sin do not live out this goal, and if we do we go to the promise land which is heaven. These are not facts at all just my opinion based on how I look at life thus far. What do you think? Have you ever had an experienced that validated any of this?  Thanks for reading!

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Tips For Safe Online Dating

I wanted to write about something that has been mainstream in human culture for many years now…..ONLINE DATING!  As we all understand, times get rough and with busy lives and working, its hard to just go out and meet people.  After college, typically we are working, or if your a single mother, you have children so your time is limited. That is why online dating has become popular, and a way for singles to meet new people without leaving their home.  Its as simple as downloading an app on your phone. I will say that I have tried online dating before marriage, and although I met some nice guys, I wasn’t a fan of meeting a random person over the internet.  Call it cliche’ but I just like to know what I am getting myself into right when I lay my eyes on you, before you get my phone number.  It does not always work like this…(perfect world right?) Well if you are going to date online and give this a try here are some tips of advice that can help you not waste your time:

1) Be careful when it comes to Free apps such as Tinder or Plenty of Fish – these sites have sex predators who are on there to waste your time, or just try to have a fun night so really screen these matches if you plan on using the free route.

2) Instead of giving out your really phone number, try using a temporary number such as Google Voice or a free Google number where you can give someone until youhave got to know them better and see yourself connecting.  This way if it does not work, you can cancel the Google Voice number and they will not be able to contact you again.  Sounds mean….but it will save you headache in the later.

3) Maybe try meeting at a spot at a certain date and time before exchanging information, this way you can ensure that you like them and want to continue to pursue the friendship/relationship. You can let them know where you will be, and what color you are wearing in a public setting such as a Starbucks or public park setting.

4) Use more pay sites such as or Christian Mingle so that way if someone is seriously looking for a connection, they are going to be more willing to pay for a true match service based on compatibility etc. It saves time and headache for the folks that are just on there to waste time.

Below are some additional dating tips for single that are using Online match services.  Thank you for reading Enjoy!

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Motivational Quotes to Get You Through Tough Times

Today I wanted to share some of my favorite life quotes and why they are my favorites.  I like to discuss diverse topics on my blog and this topic is about inspiring quotes and the message behind it. Sometimes reading these quotes makes you think, and helps you to relate them to your own life. Let me know if any of these are your favorites or that has helped you in a time of need. Thanks for Reading Enjoy!


Meaning: One of my biggest challenges is that I like to be in control.  Over the past few years as I have got older, I realize 75% of what happens to us in life is out of our control and the only control we do have is how we RESPOND to what happens. In life when you relax and let go of an outcome, you have more peace and its easier to accept what is….and how you will respond to it. When we try to control everything that’s when we end up disappointed.


Have you ever went through something and thought you would never get over it?  I did with past relationships, situations etc.  But as time went on and I let things go, I really did get over it.  One thing is true time heals wounds. You ever look back and when things got better, it was easier to understand why things happened the way it did? It all made sense.


When I speak with older people who have lived a full life, many of them are not concerned with the trivial things of life like someone younger.  They are more concerned with their health and being able to support themselves after retirement. Its funny how if you have a conversation with an older person around 80 years old, they have alot of wisdom and like to share it. Alot of the things we take for granted when we are younger, they cherish those moment because once they are gone, you cant get them back.  Enjoy life! Never take a day for granted, and make sure to LIVE.

Below are some other random quotes that I enjoy:

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Love vs. Lust

I remember before I got married, I though I knew what love was.  Its easy when your younger to think that the first boy you think is cute, talented and funny….he is it!  When your parents say things like “your young, your going to meet many people, give yourself time, don’t take dating too seriously at your age” you really don’t understand what they mean until your older, and have started to learn who you are in a relationship. That girl or guy you meet when your 16 years old seems life the perfect match because there is no responsibility involved. “Love” was easy and it felt good.  Realistically as you get older and realize what Love REALLY is, you realize that it was “puppy love.”  I dont want to say “lust” because I feel like “lust” is discovered when you get older and start exploring your sexuality. Its easy, especially as women to confuse LOVE for LUST.  It takes us “alot of the time” to get our heart broken by that “one” guy” to know it was lust and he doesn’t love us.  Once we go through that heartbreak, we try to be more careful not to fall into “lust” with the wrong guy. 

Being married and in a committed relationship has helped me see the difference between just being in a relationship, and actually LOVING someone.  When you “LOVE” someone for real, you care about their well-being just as much if not more than your own.  You are willing to make sacrifices, or put your personal “wants” aside to assist them on their life’s journey.  There are so many factors involved but LOVE is unselfish.  I look back on previous relationships and I was selfish, if it didn’t benefit me, I was not doing it, or I always had one foot out the door because I wasn’t certain or secure with that person.  This was like the two prior relationships I had in my 20’s.  Now being married, he is my best friend, we talk about everything, and I care about his life just as much as my own.  Its definitely takes time to learn the difference but its so important to do so.  I seen some great information’s below that explains more about this topic…feel free to share your experience, Thanks for Reading!



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