The Rise of Single Motherhood

I’m sure this is a topic that many of us have known to become true in the last couple of decades for women of all races but I’m going to focus on African American women because studies show that we have the highest rise in single motherhood than the other groups.

There are many reasons we can point the blame to but the truth be told that it’s so common these days that we have become to accept it as normal. Let’s fist discuss some of the potential reasons that started this epidemic:

-Many African American fathers are dead or in jail. Half our men have been killed with by the police or crime involvement weather voluntarily or innocent bystander. Black men get locked up and much harsher sentencing than any other race so it’s not surprising many of them are in jail and unable to raise their children. Many of the reasoning for black men to go to jail are environment upbringings that put them in a situation to survive such as selling drugs for money, crime to feed family or finding no way out of unfortunate circumstances. These are reasons that we have known for many years challenge African American men.

This has trickled down to the households where girlfriends and wives of black men are left as widows or single mothers because these men are no longer in the home to help raise the family. So this falls on the shoulders of the women. It’s like a domino effect.

Now let’s shoot years later in the new millennium and examine how this mentality has become normal. For many years we have seen grandmothers, mothers, sisters, cousins, friends and aunts raise their children alone for whatever reason that the father is not involved or in the home that we have come accustom to accepting that this is what is alright. I say this now because almost everyone knows at least two or more black single mothers that never been married to the father, or decided to become a single mother by choice without hesitation. It’s like we come together as a sisterhood and support this thinking because we are so use to doing it alone due to growing up and seeing many of our fore-mothers raising children alone due to the circumstances above. When something is common it’s likely to become normalized and that’s why I feel it’s a rise in the black community.

We can’t forget the small group of women that feel they would be good moms and raise a child themselves without the father and this may potentially be true to the fact that women are becoming head of household, have higher educations in the black community to the male counterparts, less crime rate and affiliation, and hold jobs that allow the income to raise a child on their own. So with this belief many women feel empowered that they can be a great single mother by choice.

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There are upsides and downsides which affect not having a family structure. Many we already know and understand and sometimes it’s best not to be in a situation that is unhealthy for parents and child. In this situation a healthy co parenting situation will be better if not JUST as rewarding for everyone involved. If this is priority in most single family households, we could see less affects in the black community. What do you think? Thanks for reading!

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Oh This Thing We Call Marriage….

I can’t be 100% with this comment, but I can guarantee 90 % of women want to get married one day.  How do I know?  Well at some point we want to stop dating, sleeping with different men, and to start a family with ONE person.  We as woman want a purpose, and we get to a point where sewing our wild oats like a man gets really old, say in our late 20’s to mid 30’s. So thus when we find a potential candidate that wants the same things as us in a relationship we consider marriage and creating a family foundation. 

The reality is that although we WANT marriage at some point, it is WORK.  It is constant changing of feelings, opinions and financial factors.  These can alter how strong your relationship is over time.  That is why they say you must marry someone you have a connection/bond with because only this will get you through tough times.  Not sex, not money, not children.  The BOND. I would say the biggest factor that can get you through tough times is communication.  Without this, you basically are two zombies forced to deal with each other until someone reaches their breaking points. This sucks. Many women get to a point where they JUST want it because of their age or to have children, and will take any candidate that looks like he will give it to them especially as women get older.  This isn’t a bright idea because all you will be putting yourself through is misery and a jail sentence.  This you get divorced and now you wasted all your youthful years with the wrong man which will bring resentment.  This is the same for men, marrying the wrong woman will be a disaster in the long run, or short run. Then when kids get involved it really takes a turn for the worst if their is lack in communication, because they will pick up on this and act out.

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My point is, marriage is constant compromise and WORK so make sure to keep a close bond/communication open with your partner.  Below are some ways that can help this:

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Random Rant…..Pet Peeves!

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Pet Peeve 1 #

One of my biggest Pet Peeves are parents who allow their children to come out the house looking any old type of way. I was at Blaze Pizza by my house for lunch the other day, and saw this woman come in to get food with her (what looked like) six or seven year old child.  The mother was dressed fairly decent, and looked clean hair done, and put together.  The child looked a mess, and her hair was not combed.

The child had leggings on with a short waist length pink jacket that didn’t look clean.  She had gym shoes on with no socks, and mind you its about 45 degrees still here in Chicago. Her hair was in two ponytails not combed, flying everywhere and looked like it hadn’t seen a brush all weekend. What hurt my heart is whether that’s your child or not, why not take the time to comb her hair, and put socks on her?  Just this alone would make a big difference. Yes we could look at the situation and say, well that may not be her child, but so what??? Tell the mother or who ever child that is to comb her hair and put socks on her before you babysit.  Or, how about has the caregiver, you take initiative. It grinds my nerves to see stuff like that.

Pet Peeve # 2

You ever had the annoying co worker who is too nice that its not authentic?  They really went to be cool with you so they can get in your business? I do! I like authentic people, and people that respect your privacy and business.  Typically when someone is too nice……always wonder why…..there’s genuinely nice people, and those that use kindness to be malicious.  Sometimes they don’t even know they are being malicious, but there need to be first or right or the best makes them do certain things. SNEAKY! I hate sneaky lol.  Don’t get me wrong, I think majority of people are genuinely nice and don’t have bad intents, but, in this day in age you have to keep your eyes open.  Especially in a competitive place such as the work place. 

Pet Peeve # 3

Your walking down the street on the side walk or a aisle in the grocery store and they refuse to move over, or let you by.  They look at you like they own the walk way and you should step aside.  Its almost appalling that they would expect you to even assume they would move.  I hate that.  Its like if we see each other coming, lets make room so we can both maneuver.  I see this all the time walking to the train heading for work.  If your from Chicago and take the Metra train you know oh so well folks will run you over to get to and from the train.  Its like a herd of cattle.

Pet Peeve # 4

The co worker who thinks they are in a world of their own and hums to themselves, loudly!  Thats annoying, I am trying to do my work especially in a quiet office environment, and you want to hum or sing to yourself as if your Michael Jackson.  I had this happen last week, my co worker who sits in the cube across from me was humming to herself for like an hour straight, off and on, I looked back at her like WTF.  Luckily she stopped after a while and I didn’t have to say anything but that was getting on my nerves.

Pet Peeve # 5

People who do not cover their mouth when they cough! Like ewwwww. I don’t want to be sick….sorry you are. Cover your mouth or go hibernate so I don’t catch your germs.  My husband which I love dearly likes to cough and for some reason the hand barley makes it too his mouth. I want to share your last name, not your germs! He is like a baby when he is sick, he just lets it FLY. If you sick, and cant cover your cough in time, I will gladly sleep on the sofa for those few days LOL.

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This may sound like I am ranting but lets be honest, everyone has small things that erkk our nerves that we tolerate. LOL

What are your Pet Peeve! Thank you for Reading!

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Is Your Child always on their IPAD?

I noticed something the past few years and its quite interesting how the world has evolved so much. I remember as a kid coming home from school, and trying to finish my homework quickly so I could play outside with my friends. I remember having this next door neighbor Xiomara.  We were the same age and would ride bikes, and walk to the candy store together. It was safe and you didn’t hear about as much crime going on  in the suburbs back then. We use to play hopscotch, jump rope, sledding in the winters in my backyard, red light green light and a host of other outside children’s imaginary games. Children born in this generation dont really do these types of activities…..or at least that what it seems.  Most of the children I know cant wait to use their IPAD or Tablet to play games, or watch YOUTUBE. In the schools these days, 5 year old have cell phones where they can play games and call their parents while at school.  In the summer times as a kid we use to play at the park, and couldn’t wait to get outside.  Now it seems like kids are little geniuses that know how to use a laptop and IPHONE better than me lol.

Its not a bad thing because it exposes them to different ways of learning, and to enhance their intelligence with the way the world is going much sooner.  My fear is that as technology grows, children wont know the joy of a traditional non-millennial childhood.  Are children exposed to ways of the world much too soon? Are taking the innocence away by allowing them to depend on these devices to learn and occupy their time? Each parent raises their children different, and it is a  lot of pressure to keep up with the norm, especially raising kids. I think as long as its used in moderation it can be alright for children.  Their time should definitely be broken up to reading books, playing outside, and doing social recreational activities offline.

Its just as important for kids to disconnect as adults.  Thank you for reading!

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