Embracing Your Natural

Yes lets do this!  I commend many women who are snatching out the weaves and letting that beautiful curly hair shine through. For many years we let the media and society depict what beauty is. Long straight hair was the THING. If you weren’t a fan of the relaxer, you could fake it to you make it by adding that long bundles of weave in your hair.  I wont lie, weave and extensions can make the most average looking female look ten times better because its “perfected hair.”  Our real hair is going to have imperfections to an extent because its manipulated on a daily basis. I am not quite sure what or who drove us to start embracing the natural curl pattern but its great! We can do so many style with our hair being thick and bushy. High buns, bushy ponytails, goddess braids, box braids, bandu knots, twists, blow-outs, natural curl etc. If we want to change it up and wear our hair straight all we need is a once in a while – silk press to get those roots popping!  Now who can hate on that?

Me, I haven’t had a relaxer in years, and quite honestly don’t need it.  With a good wash and conditioner, blow dry and silk press I can keep my hair straight until the next visit. I like to blow out my hair wear it with feathered curls when I go to the salon because I am in that in between stage. I use to have long hair and because of breakage cut it into a bob. I loved that cut but it only looks good if you maintain it which was hard for me to do.  Now I am growing it back out and its in that in-between stage so I don’t do much to it but wear it curled for a week or so then make protective styles like a bun or braids after a while. If I knew the right product I would try the natural curly look but that really takes time to see what your hair needs and prefers so it can “act” right. I don’t have the patience chile lol. I will leave by saying this, some women need to maintain their natural better because I saw this girl come in the restaurant I was eating at for lunch and you can tell she was rocking the natural look, but it looked more like a disaster on her head, a mountain of dry tight matted mess. With the right product her curls would have been popping but not all of us really do our research on how to maintain a health natural style. Don’t let that be YOU LOL! Anyways! Thank you for Reading and feel free to comment. 



Women- Do we take Accountability?

This is a topic that I really want to get an opinion about because I feel like in this culture its so easy to blame someone for our mistakes, and the way our life is turning or has turned out.  I say this because when I look around, majority of the women I know are not married with children, or have given up on marriage because they feel like it may not happen.  NO marriage is not the end all be all, or many women are happy not getting married and living their own life.  There is a difference between being alone and lonely. My point is, many women are bitter and blame men for being single mothers, or the reason why they have not found love.  We need to ask ourselves, are we pointing the blame on why these things haven’t happened or is it up to us to make our own happiness?

Many women I know like a certain type of guy, and expect they can change the outcome of a situation.  When you have known a man for 1 month and carry out a sexual relationship with no talks about commitment or relationship, and then feel its smart to bring a child into the world with a man you barley know….who do you blame, the man or yourself. Now you are a mother that has to pick up the pieces as a single women and try to get your life back on track if your not married.  This is not a baby mama post – I wrote about that in a prior post, but this is a WHEN DO WE TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY post.  If your knocked up at 32 years old, you cant blame the man, you are old enough and have enough experiences to know the outcome of a making that decision. Ladies lets take accountability for our actions if things don’t turn out in our life the way we planned or hoped for.  Lets not make a desperate decision when it comes to dating thinking we can “Make a situation we want to serve our purpose.  We are lying to ourselves when we do this and when you look in the mirror you know the truth, blame wont change the outcome.


With that being said, lets make decisions that are healthy for us, like date a guy that has a conversation about commitment with you, get to know a guy before having unprotected sex with him, or see if he is even open to a commitment, this will save you time, and heartache in the long run. Date men who want to get married, or see themselves taking a leap with you.  You deserve the best and make sure you settle for nothing less. If the situation is not healthy or fulfilling, make a decision to not put up with it. Marriage is something many men are willing to give you, but they have to want to give it to YOU. Attaching to him is not the answer. Look out for yourself in the beginning of a romantic relationship so your not putting yourself in a “Single Mothers Box.”  Have fun but don’t make it more than what it IS! Take accountability for your messed up situation. I know too many women that have given up because of the hole they put themselves in FAKE happy but really wish they would have did things different in life.


The “Baby Mama Syndrome”

Hey ladies, I decided to discuss briefly a topic that has become concerning over the past few years.  Lets discuss the “Baby Mama” syndrome.  I am not mother yet, and have been married for two years now.  I always wanted children but knew that if I got pregnant before marriage, there was a high percentage that I would not be with the father, or may never get married.  I didn’t want that, and I wanted my children to be in the same home as the father.  Thus, I am glad I didn’t get knocked up and have to make a decision between my child or marriage.  I am not saying you cant have both if your put into the situation but it does create more odds against you, and challenges as the mother. 


It seems like especially in the black community its “acceptable” to be a Black single mother.  Its almost like a badge of honor that I “have his baby.”  Its almost like I attend more baby showers than I do weddings in my generation.  I am in my early 30s.  My husband and I have this conversation and he feels Black women “want their purpose and to be in control.”  This is why they have the babies with a man they are not married or committed t to in any way.  He says this way of thinking is generational and has been passed down to be acceptable.  There are no women speaking to our generation letting them know, do not bring a child into this world if the man does not love and respect you or value you as his helpmate.  Instead, they say :”its his fault, have that baby, you will be alright, he better do the right thing etc..” I am a bit biased because as a woman, I understand how we feel, we get a certain age, and that time clock starts going off especially when you hit 30 years old.  Not married and single.  You panic and feel like if I dont go through with this, it may never happen for me.  Also other situations are when your younger, you THINK your in love, and feel like you don’t want to be without this guy, so the baby will be the glue to keep yall together,  This hardly ever works.  The only way it works is if he is IN too you before the baby, and LOVES you regardless, cause men can and do leave.  If we know this, we have to make sure we look out for ourselves, and make decisions that are in OUR best interest.  Some women are accepting of the single mother role, because they want the child, and don’t believe in the PLAN B pill or abortions, but ladies lets be honest, at a certain age you already made up in your mind that HE CAN GET IT, and if you let him raw dog, you came to the conclusion that “you wont be too mad if you get pregnant” lets be real, what hurts is if he doesent “stay or commit to you” if you have the child.  That’s when how he REALLY feels about you shows, and the fact you were a booty call, is even worst.


I must be honest, majority of my girlfriends from ages 29-40 are single mother, and never been married.  I am like the only friend out of all my girls that’s married right now.  The only ones that are, I met through my husbands friends (their wives). Its sad.  Bbaies will never be the glue….ever, and even marriage ain’t a guarantee but at least yall made it down the aisle to “attempt” to do the things the right way as long as yall could. I am not blaming the woman in these situation,s but ladies we know better, lets start taking accountability for our actions and stop procreating with men that don’t want to be commit to us. That clock shit is real but its fucking us up. Its not cute, and what about the child, now they have to be subject to the parents selfish irrational decisions. Thoughts?

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