The Advantage

Imagine being born into a group of people that were considered the majority. Living everyday life as a non threat but of the purest race.  Being given opportunity because of the color of your skin.  Born into wealth because your ancestors were slave masters many generations ago.  In most work and academic settings, most of your peers look and speak like you so are always in a comfort zone. You don;t fear the police because your not a threat to your society or community although your a stranger and no one knows you personally.  Your , white, so we will give you the benefit of the doubt right? Your Life Matters. I call this the White Advantage.  

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Let’s make this clear, as a black woman, I wouldn’t trade being any other race in the world, even with the cultural setbacks and unfair acts placed upon the African american community, and other minorities. I wouldn’t give up the soul food, beautiful various skin complexions, artistic nature, melodic soulful music and the strength we embody as a race. It fantastic to see the strength we have as people.  Yes there are those folks that still carry the slave mentality placed upon us many decades ago such as black on black crime, crabs in a barrels mentality and self hate that some of us hold onto, and is passed down. I find that black folks get stuck in this “I cant do better” mentality and instead of working together and bringing back into the community, its a fight to keep someone from getting ahead because of self doubt and fear. I truly believe these mental chains come from slavery.  

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The reason for calling the post “The White advantage is because when you have not been exposed to self hate, racism, poverty, your mind is protected and you walk around with a sense of arrogance because you feel above and privileged.  To live in a society knowing that you were born with these opportunities give you a advantage.  I am now starting to see fear in the white communities because African american and other minorities are blending cultures.  The millennial have one of the largest mixed populations than ever before which can cause less of the white culture to be pure. I am sure those Trump supporters are shaking there heads with disgust, but hey times are changing.

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Whats your thoughts!? Thanks for Reading!

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Spending Guilt

Good afternoon! Hope everyone is doing well and getting through this Monday with no problem! 🙂 I wanted to ask a question?  Does anyone else ever get a case of the “spend guilt?”  You know you plan on budgeting and only spending a certain amount of money per pay period, or week.  You feel good being able to put some money up, only to go over your budget and have to end up using your savings???? 

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Well that girl is me! I experienced that recently.  I was all set to pay some bills, put some money up in the savings, and put a little money aside for spending and getting through the work week.  Then out of no where I call myself going to the casino, losing 300.00 – strike one.  Going out to eat, then not to mention its fathers day weekend so that 100.00 on a gift for my husband and dinner – another 100.00 – mow e up to 500.00 and the weekend just getting started. By then I was on a roll, spend another 97.00 at Walmart, and hey….why not top it off with grocery’s and clothes for the summer. 

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With that being said, after looking in my wallet and seeing all my spending money gone, I now had to put this “so called money” I planned on saving out so I can get through the week. This numb feeling is called “spend guilt.” If only I sat my ass down and didnt go haywire at the casino, eat food I bought from the grocery and stayed out the mall -and other stores I would be 600.00 richer right? LOL. Has anyone else experienced “spend guilt?” Thanks for Reading!

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When They See US -The Central Park Five story

This is  a must watch Netflix film.  If you have a son of color, you must see this heartbreaking reality.  Its a documentary of five young boys who were wrongfully convicted of a rape back in 1989.  They pinned the crime on these young boys who were only ages 14-16.  They were not apart of the crime, and didn’t have any recollection of this happening.  The New York Police came up with a story to put them in jail and spent anywhere from 7-14 years in prison for a crime they didn’t commit. The movie shows what they went through and also sheds light on the story which has since went untold. 

I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW THE SYSTEM IS A FRAUD.  THERE A THOUSANDS OF BLACK MEN AND BOYS INCARCERATED FOR A CRIME THEY HAVE NOT COMMITTED DUE TO THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN.  It sucks to walk around living in fear that the police will find any reason to fuck with you because of a history of racism and injustice. My heart hurts for those black boys that are scared to speak, or make eye contact with the police who hate them.  How can you hate someone for their race.  I understand disliking someone for their actions, but from the color of their skin, its sick.  Will it ever end, probable not, because its a pasted down learned behavior.  Its generational thinking, and that takes a village to change, everyone has to work together to do this.  I pray their is a change for the future children.

Linda Fairstein is the woman who wrongfully convicted and fought to make up a story knowingly these boys were innocent. 

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Its a story of how the justice system has failed us minorities, and how it need to STOP.  Please  if you have seen this film, let me know your thoughts or personal experiences with injustice from the law.  LETS PROTECT OUR BLACK AND LATINO BOYS!!!!!  

Thank you for reading!

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Postpartum – That’s some Real SHHHHH

I want to start off by saying, I am grateful that I do not have this – but I want to address how close you can become to having it if you were able to avoid what many mothers experience after giving birth. The best way I can describe it from a non-diagnosed stand point is a depression and or life changing event that causes your life that you knew before motherhood to have gone away and everything is weighting on you.  Having children is one of the biggest life changes because once its done, it cant be reversed.  When a child is born they are now a living spirit that needs care and love to be able to survive on this earth until GOD calls them home.  For a parent, this is a huge responsibility.  Many take it for granted but that’s another conversation.  Women connect with their child as soon as pregnancy is confirmed.   The fact that you can feel and see this ball cells forming in your body with a heartbeat within thanks to modern technology is amazing and causes a woman to instantly connect to this life she created. It truly is a gift. BUT, although you carry this little embryo/fetus around with you for 9 months, your life is still somewhat the same because it hasn’t physically arrived.   

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When your little human makes their entrance your so excited and cant wait to make them feel safe and loved if your a good parent.  We have this picture painted in our mind so of the type of mother we will be.  What happens with postpartum is that after you get home and the banter of a new baby from friends and family dies down, the reality of the responsibility kicks in from numerous diaper changes, crying, lack of sleep, excess body baby weight, not feeling yourself, other kids in the home if you have multiple, managing the home, husband or partner, cooking cleaning, going back to work among trying to find time to give yourself self care and manage a social life…alot right? Mothers do it all – especially career orientated moms.  With all this being said, this can cause a mother to spazz out and completely lose it if she does not have a good support system whether it be a spouse, parent, friends, care givers, partner etc.  Many woman have committed suicide cause they couldn’t take it, or even abandoned their families.  Shit gets Real! I am greatful that I have a grip on raising my daughter and my own life by staying true to me and keeping the hobbies that make me who I was before becoming a mother.  Taking time for myself as I can.  I still have a long way to go, she is only almost 4 months, but I got a good start such as making a space in the house for me and what I like to do such as blog/write/read. Keeping my facial treatments together, going back to work to take time to myself without the baby. Making play dates or dinner dates with other moms, just to name a few.  

What was your postpartum story and any advice for other moms? Thanks for Reading!

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Black on Black Crime is Stupid

I want to address this topic because its starting to get old and is very stupid that to this day we are still dealing with a culture that has the largest number of in-cultural killings.  It sick and frustrating that the African american male population complains about police brutality, and slavery and racism but the brothers cant even get it together with one another.  I see so much pride, jealousy and hate between black men that it makes me want to puke.  How can you complain about others killing blacks when you do it to yourselves.  What happen to having each others back and leading by example?  Black people are no longer physically slaves but by actions, we have become mental slaves.  We have used this mental slavery to get ahead and keep our brothers down.  The term “crabs in a bucket” is fitting.  

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Why is it that the brothers who are out here trying to do some good, give back and make the drop knowledge to make the cultural stronger are blown away by dumb senseless acts of violence?  I am asking these questions because the problem and possible solutions are blasted all over new media, radio, books, talk shows, YouTube etc but the problems seems to keep rising.  Its almost as if black men love and want to go to jail to prove their a MAN…the fuck??? It sick! That the best way I can describe.  I get that its a mentality that has been passed down and when growing up in a poverty area, you look at the next man as your possible enemy, and need to put your survival face on…right? Well if we flip the script and say, your not my enemy, your my brother, lets stand together and figure out how to come together to make life easier, and get ahead.  Lets share knowledge and wisdom so we can help our community.  Lets set the kids down and speak to them about growth and the importance of having each-others back, which doesn’t always mean financially.  It can be knowledge wise, having someone be a friend, sharing food if living in poverty etc. 

I understand that there are things in place to keep minorities down but we make it worst upon ourselves.  If you look at most business out there we are investing in other cultures goods for example….who sells hair weaves and make the most profit, the Chinese, who makes the most profit off of nails….The Asian culture.  Who has a restaurant in almost every hood, The Asian community selling their food.  Bet you wont find a Soul food Joint in China Town!!! Next, Indians own gas stations, and Indian Restaurants, white folks love Indian Food! How many black own businesses are there?  A few hood shops that are only located in the hood in MOST cases, not all so the clients are hood folks who half the time are jealous and don’t want to see you go ahead so they do some dumb shit and kill the owner or workers, and the police shut it down.  Example Nipsey Hussle….this dude made something out of nothing and has major businesses to give people jobs and help build the community to something, what does this DICK FACE do, he gets his low life out of jail and get sin his feeling like a BITCH and kill this man, or worked with the GOVERNMENT – FEDS, potentially to get a little money and kill this brother who is trying to make a difference….the truth on what went down will come out on this mans murder.

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My point to conclude this rant is that we have to do better.  We have to, what is it going to take?  How many have to die, how long and loud do we have to complain…its like you can cry about being suppressed but when you do it to yourself, you really have nothing to cry about when other cultures do it to you, and look at your culture as worthless pieces of shit.  Tears….

Thank you for Reading! Whats your thoughts?!

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Nipsey Hussle – The Marathon Continues

I wanted to jump on here and discuss briefly my thoughts on the Nipsey Hussle murder, and how his passing has affected many people who knew him. Let me start off by saying I did not know much about him prior to his passing.  I remember seeing him in a few movies with very brief appearances and probably scanned through some of his interviews on YouTube unknowing of his music. I did start to learn about his music from my husband.  He would play Nipseys album Victory Lap in the car last year, and I really enjoyed the album.  Honestly, now I see why he was nominated for a Grammy, its a dope body of work.  So when I did start to catch on to his music, although he has been making mix-tapes for YEARS since as far back as 2008, I find out he is murdered.  

What made this ordeal so hard for me is how hard my husband took it when he found out Nipsey was dead.  I wanted to learn more about this rapper who my husband was devastated about.  It was almost like he lost his best friend.  I remember riding in the car coming back from his moms house and he got a text from his home boy that Nipsey got shot.  Like all of us, we go to social media to find out information.  When he saw it on the GRAM, we figured it was true.  I took the time to read up on him to learn why people were taking this rapper with tattoos and braids so hard?! He was a gang banger right? A Crip?  Well to my knowledge he was no longer a gang banger but a inspiration and motivator to his community in L.A.  What makes him great is that he took money he made from rapping and his local business to give back.  Not just talk about it but actually do it.  He owned a plaza in South L.A where he grew up, and employed folks that needed jobs that were felons, single mothers etc.  He talked about uniting the gangs in LA so there was less beef and killing.  He invested his money into businesses that could make a profit. For example:

1. Invest in ecosystems.

Hussle was deeply concerned with South LA communities, and in both Crenshaw and Hyde Park made investments and philanthropic contributions that spoke to the diverse needs of residents — he not only had affordable housing plans in the works, but was coupling that development with affordable, healthy food access. He made sure basketball courts were paved for children to play, and then through Vector 90 — a technology co-working center and incubator also offering STEM education — made sure those youth would be able to find jobs and thrive in their local community.

2. Start with what you know… and grow.

Hussle was already an innovative entrepreneur in the music industry, often acknowledged for his unique sales strategies (for instance selling 1,000 copies of his mix-tape in one day, but for $100 each, so that he could then release the music digitally to the public for free). He brought this ingenuity to his real estate investment strategy, and also brought in a partner, Dave Gross, an experienced investor with a Masters of Science in Real Estate Development. Together they were working to take advantage of Opportunity Zone legislation.

3. Build a legacy.

Investing shouldn’t just be about making as much money as possible, it should prioritize being able to hold your head high in your community — knowing that you were able to create wealth for others, while also supporting your own family and needs. Hussle made clear that his objective was to lift up his community: he demonstrated a new model of success, that’s not just about what you can buy, but what you can build.

What sucks is that his life was taken by a low life loser who just got out of jail.  Jealousy, envy and hate made this punk shoot someone over his fucked up emotions.  It really pisses me off when I think about it because it happens everyday in the black community.  When they use the crabs in a barrel term its a perfect fit.  “Why not me, if I can you cant” mentality.  These were everything Hussle was against.  Eric Holder is the named shooter and currently in custody awaiting trial.  He has the nerve to plead not guilty. I dont know if Nipsey was targeted by a set up and they got Eric Holder to do the shooting for pay, or if he wanted to kill Nipsey for his own reasons.  What sick is that Nipsey knew Eric Holder, there were picture of them in the same group together.  You know what they say, sometimes the people closet to you, are your worst enemies.  Fucked up. I really hope they put this shit face under the jail and let his ass hole bleed.  I hate people like him, its like we cant get ahead with these fuck ups in the community.  Sorry for my foul language but its the best way to show my discuss to Eric Holder.

R.I.P Nip – Let The Marathon Continue….cause we have a long way to go.

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Ladies….Are You Dating A User?

Ladies, beware of men that want to date you to benefit off you financially. If a man is asking you to make a financial commitment with him without a relationship long term commitment, he may be just using you for financial support or opportunity. Reason I say beware is because I have a friend who is smitten  by a guy she met out of state.  They have hung out probably a hand full of times due to the distance, but she still has strong feelings for him.  How I know is that she is always asking me advice, and my opinion on some of the things he does.  Typically when we ask questions about our significant other or someone we are dating, we are unsure about a situation or feel uneasy and may be looking for reassurance.  She has mentioned that they have conversations about marriage, and he says he wants to get married one day and that although havent spent much quality time together, he feels she is the one. Now, I know my friend wants to get married soon.  We have had conversations about this.  She already has children and wants to have another baby before 35.  She is currently 33 and will be turning 34 soon.  She also wants to be married to the childs father this time around.  So, I know she has picked his brain regarding marriage and if he is serious about her.  

What draws red flags about this guy to me are the following:

  1. He has never been up to see her in her own state, but she has been there to see him a hand full of times.
  2. He has a cell phone in his baby mama name which show ties to another woman still, which can potentially could mean he is still dealing with his sons mother.
  3. He seems to be giving empty promises of marriage and that she could be the one but how do you know when there hasn’t been enough QUALITY time together?  Its hard enough dating someone locally but out of state really needs to spend time together before commitment, and not just talk time on the phone.  Especially when kids are involved. 
  4. He is comfortable talking about OTHER women to her when he attends events or goes out, most men wont just speak about other women being interested in them if they are all about you UNLESS you specifically ask.  Most men don’t want to give you the impression they are still on the market or giving others attention when they are serious about you.

What makes me think he may be trying to use her for financial gain is that they opened a credit card together which I can tell she was reluctant to tell me, but she admitted this and was upset because he maxed out the card and has only been making the minimum payments.  Honestly, he may even skipped a few payment and paid late.  Next he is asking her to file his taxes and consolidate his student loans for him because he is in default and needs some help getting them back on track.  Next she needs a new car, and due to his lack of payments on the credit card they have together, this has affected her credit, now she may need a co signer or to get the car in someone else name.  WTF?! I will be  damned if I am doing all this for a wish and a dream that this person will marry me and continue sending empty promises.

I write this to say, ladies sometimes we get ahead of ourselves for LOVE and in the end, it FUCKS us in the ass literally, no pleasure lol.  This guy clearly sounds like he may have an interest in my friend but using her for financial help. If you think I am over thinking this, did I mention she sent him money a few times and has yet to pay her back???Now you see…..

If you encounter someone who seems like a leach RUN THE OTHER WAY~~~~

Thank you for reading! Do you have a friend or family member in a situation like this???

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What They Don’t Tell You About Having A Baby!!!!

Hey loves! Sorry again for being MIA, its been a pretty busy last few weeks. Probably the most busy I been in a long time.  I wanted to share some of the things they don’t tell us about giving birth!  You see the outcome which is a beautiful baby, but there arent enough warnings on all the many things that can and do happen during labor and delivery.  Lets not forget after delivery, there is whole other process that takes place which makes it even more exhausting.

First let me give you the real deal.  I was induced because of preclampsia.  I got this during week 31 of my pregnancy.  Now, I knew it was a chance I could get it because my blood pressure was elevated majority of the my second trimester.  It started to elevate and stay high around week 29.  One week I did not have protein in my urine (week 31) and week 32 I did, just that quick.  Swelling, high BP, protein in urine are all potential signs of preclampsia.  So I was admitted to the hospital at 32 weeks because if my BP stayed high they would be inducing me.  Sure enough after a 5 day hospital stay my BP wasn’t able to stay under control and they induced me at 32 weeks and 5 days.  This process consisted of pitocin which is an IV that helps to speed up labor, and increase contractions.  I was already 1-2 cm dialtated so they didn’t need to soften my cervix.  After about 8 hours of labor, it was time to push.  Now let me be honest, contractions hurt like HELL!  At first they aren’t that strong, but after you get closer to full dialitation those suckers are like FIRE! I got an epidural but honestly it didn’t help, I still felt the contractions.  The best advice I can give, is to push through those contractions.  For some reason, when you push it makes the sensation more bearable.  After the baby is delivered they typically let you do skin to skin, but in my case I saw her for about 5 min then they whisked her away to the NICU.  Since she was a preemie, she has to stay for a few weeks.

At my hospital they move you to the post partum unit which is called Mom and Baby unit.  Here, they give you time to rest, but they put this big ass pad on you, and some hemoroid pads in case you need them to help in that area.  You will literally be on the longest period of your life afterwards, the most common length of time to bleed after labor is 1-2 weeks.  The breast milk can kick in 2-4 days after delivery so dont be concerned if it doesn’t happen right away like I did.  It took mine about 2 days.  Its like a relief when the baby comes out because having the baby drops off like 10 pounds right there.

I wanted to share this experience because it is truly amazing but it was not easy ladies! I commend all the mommies out there because we truly are amazing! Thank you for reading and feel free to comment!

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The Truth About Labor and Delivery 📦🤰🏽

Hey! It’s been a while since I posted because guess what?! I had a baby!!! I still can’t believe I made it through that journey because ladies…it is truly a journey. The fact that we can produce a human within 9 months is mind blowing. I will say that it wasn’t easy. I can’t complain cause I didn’t vomit not one time in my first trimester and didn’t have much nausea. Second trimester was pretty easy until I got to 29 weeks. This is when the challenges began….stuffy nose, swollen ankles, shrunken stomach, weight gain, exhaustion and etc. Then to make it worst I got preeclampsia at 32 weeks pregnant! Thank goodness my baby is thriving and she is so beautiful, I’m in LOvE. When I saw that face it was so worth every ache. I will say I’m don’t want to go through pregnancy again, lol it ain’t for everyone. Delivery was pretty good, after 8 hours of labor she was out in 4 good pushes! Thank you lord!

Ladies how was your pregnancy and labor story? What was the worst and best part….feel free to share the reality of labor that they don’t tell us! Thanks for reading!!!!

Surviving R Kelly……..How long will it last folks?

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write an article on this topic or not. There are a lot of things I don’t know about this man and the stories that have been told about him.  There are a few things I do know via hearsay but nothing solid.  Honestly I feel sorry for this man and his victims.  I feel sorry for him because I truly feel he needs help and people around him have enabled his behavior.  I have read a few of the past stories about him online over the years and his childhood, and he has suffered sexual abuse and trauma which he has been vocal about.  Whats crazy is, many people in his circle including celebrities and fans have took a blind eye to actions that he has and swept them under the rug.  Now this document series comes out about him and victims that he has had encounters with are speaking out, but why has it took so long?  Shame, embarrassment, or has the #metoo movement allowed us to be more comfortable with speaking out?

I can only speak from my opinion which should be took with a grain of salt because I do not know this man personally or his victims. I will say that being from Chicago myself, I heard stories of him going to High school basketball games, or just being at some of the local Chicago high schools. I never had an opinion on “why” but being that I graduated in 2001 from HS, this was the prime time of his career, he was a a huge celebrity in the city of Chicago.  I never actually seen him at a high school but people that I knew who attended some of the schools he frequented such as Kenwood HS or Oak Park River Forest HS would see him all the time.  When the sex tape came out back in 2002, I knew a few people who attended Oak Park River Forest HS which as the school the alleged 14 year old girl attended.  Many of the people knew her and said that she was popular, had a new car which was paid for by R Kelly, and she played basketball so he would be at her games – weird. At the time the tape came out I believe she was a junior or senior and the tape had been made years ago, so a male friend of mine mentioned she switched schools once people started recognizing her from the tape.  From what I understand her family was paid off by R Kelly and after he beat the case there was no other mentions of it, and everything was denied that she was apart of it. These are the stories I have heard about that infamous sex tape.  I did see it way back then because some friends had a copy of it, and you can definitely tell it was him, no question.

I believe that many of the parents and young women were star struck, and I am pretty sure wanted to be in the presents of a celebrity or to be chosen as his protege.  People look and love opportunity  and many people will put pride, and self respect aside to obtain it, such as Reality TV stars. Lets be real – how REAL is reality TV and how much air time will you get if you are not willing to do something petty or demeaning for ratings?  I look at it the same way, many of these women probably were taken advantage.  It probably happens all the time by many OTHER celebrities, they just have not got caught or being protected. For example, Hugh Hefner is a common name, P Diddy – has been dating Cassie, and she was not at legal age, Tyga and Kylie Jenner…that was in the news for a while but then people turned a blind eye to it after they broke up. This mess has been going on for years. From what I can see in R Kelly’s case, these women were mentally manipulated and abused to an extent that they could not communicate with their parents or family.  Why has this been going on so long, and why didn’t anyone speak up or do anything about it?  Why now? It baffles me that it has taken so long for people to speak out or to have this man investigated.  Everyone is to blame! Also why are there NEW women, these stories have been publicized about him for years stemming back to 2001.

Last I want to speak on his ex-wife Drea Kelly, something isn’t right about her. I feel like she has known that this mess was going on, and wanted nothing to do with the man but was willing to stay quiet as long as the checks started rolling in, and her bills was paid.  Now that people are catching on, and women are speaking against him, I feel she is ready to jump on the band wagon when she could had spoke on this YEARS ago, especially if you are his ex- wife and have children with this man. I feel like she has been a victim of mental and physical abuse, and believe her story but why speak up when its convenient for you?  Google her and review some of her past video postings online speaking on the situation.  I will post an article I viewed on the Breakfast Club which gives a good insight on what one of the victims went through, I find her credible because she also testified back in his trial for the sex tape scandal.  You can check the interview out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcTs_tqTqEE

These are just a few of my random thoughts! What do you think?? Follow me at piinkdiivablog on Instagram.

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Good Afternoon! I am here to catch you up on s few of my beauty favorites for the month of December. If any of you beauties took advanatage of Sephora’s VIB sale then I am sure you have a few beauty finds to share so please feel free to comment and let and share a picture and name of some items so I can check them out.  Below are a few of my go-to beauty items. Enjoy!

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  1. Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Luminzer in Diamond Milk – I may a bit late with this but what ultimately pushed me into trying this color was that I am obsessed with the Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Luminzer in color Fenty Glow.  Her lip gloss gives just the right amount of shimmer and has amazing shine.  I like the consistency and the cost is pretty good for a high end product, just 18.00.  The Diamond Milk color does not have much pigment but its good for a neutral shine and can be put over a lipstick or matte color.  It goes well with any eye shadow color and highlighter.  Its worth checking out next time you visit your beauty store.

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2. Becca Volcano Eye-shadow Palette – I bought this on a whim during Sephora’s Beauty sale.  Its originally 46.00 but I was able to snag at 28.00.  The colors are amazing in my opinion, especially the shimmer colors.  I love the transition colors and the variety of shimmer options they give you.  You can do a nude look or play up your outfit with the high pigmented colors.  My favorite colors are Gilded, Lava, Midnight Sapphire, Red Rock, Crater,Granite and Haze.  Check it out next time your looking for a awesome palette to add to your collection.

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3. Loreal Kiwi Sugar Scrub – I have been using this off and on along with a few other favorite exfoliators and I really enjoy this scrub.  It has a light fruity smell and has the small kiwi scrub formula to help remove dead skin.  It gives you a light menthol feeling on the skin to show you it has been activated.  You then wash off with warm water and your skin has a soft feel and glow afterwards.  I really enjoy this.  Just be sure to rinse your face well so the small particles don’t get into your eyes.  The price goes for about 9.99 and can typically be found at your local drugstore.  Its worth checking out if you need a basic exfoliator. 

Thanks for reviewing and please share any find you know about! Enjoy!

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A Few Ways to Self Care in 2019

Good morning!

Happy Hump day…..I wanted to discuss a topic that is important to our physical and mental health.  Its easy to get caught up in the day to day of life and forget about keeping your self mentally and physically healthy.  I wanted to pinpoint some ways that have helped myself, along with others regroup, and get back on track when things get foggy.  First lets describe what self care is: “the practice of taking an active role in protecting ones own well being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”

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Below are some ways that can potentially get you on the right track towards loving yourself first and making time for the small things that are easily overlooked when it comes to your well-being.

  1. Keep a planner or notebook with your feelings and thoughts – this is a great way to keep track of your future goals and plans.  Its proven that when you right down a goal, it becomes a plan, a plan in return becomes an action.  Keep your thoughts organized and set yourself deadlines on when you plan on executing these goals  either short term or long term. I myself have went through tons of planners and after a while they get put somewhere and forgotten, so make sure you choose  planner that is easy to bring with you, or keep near in times that you need to jot down a thought/feeling. 
  2. Take a break away from Social Media – close up shop and disengage.  Stop sharing your life with people you don’t speak to day to day.  Does it matter what the guy from senior year high-school 15 years ago is doing, or what your ex boyfriends kids look like? NO…..certain things should be private.  I was a big social media person a year ago but when I started a family and accumulated more things of value, I wanted to only share this with those I trust and love.  Social media is a great way to connect on a business stand point and with true friends but also can cause depression and envy during times of stress.  Log off and put away the social media and focus on the meaningful relationships in your life. 
  3. Organize your space – Cleaning and throwing away old baggage is a great way to de-clutter and feel on track.  For example, organizing your closet, and getting rid of old clothes and shoes that you no longer where or fit can help make room for new items that you need.  Making room for new items makes you feel like refreshed and positive. Many times when you get rid of junk and items that are taking space, you can make a list of the items you need and re-vamp.  Shopping therapy is always refreshing so set a date to de-clutter.
  4. Seek Professional Advice – Talk to someone that doesn’t know you or lacks judgement about your situation.  It can be embarrassing to open up to those that may not understand what you are going through.  If you meet with a therapist or psychologist, they can give you insight on what your feeling and help you sort a few things out. These people don’t have the answers but they can be an ear to listen when you need to vent or figure out your next steps. Here is a free sight that will assist with finding a therapist in your area: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
  5. Read something that makes you happy – Reading was always something I enjoyed doing as a kid.  Its nothing like a good book to let your imagination run free.  Create your own world and characters.  It lets you get away from your reality for a while. Think about what type of books your would enjoy, such as self help, non fiction, fiction, research, comics etc.  Go tot he local bookstore or library.  Download the Kindle app on your phone or tablet and read. I can admit I have got away from readying myself but will make it a point to add more literature to my day to day moving forward.
  6. Plan something to look forward to – Always keep a future plan on your agenda.  Write down a end point and look forward to completing this whether it be a celebration, vacation, spa day, dinner with the girls or fellas, fun night out, whatever it is have an end point to something fun that helps you get by each day and week. 

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These are just a few ways that can help put you in the right direction. Thank you for Reading! Feel free to comment on what works for you as well!

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Humans are selfish

I know the title comes off as a blanket statement but humans are naturally selfish. What I mean is that the way the world is designed, if our needs as human are not getting met, by nature we look for a way to feel this void. Many of the outlets can include sex, drugs, socialism, companionship, committing crimes, murder and many of decisions that may not be in our best interest.

Don’t get me wrong I think it’s important to always consider your well being and to respect others. If you don’t look out for yourself while walking this earth who will? But I really want to touch on the topic of selfishness that tends to hurt others. Often times as humans we get caught up in what we lack that it’s easy to disregard what we do have. The term grass is greener on the other side is a great way for example. If a human is not getting its needs met in a situation that’s toxic to your well being such as emotionally, mentally, physically as far as health is concerned, these need to be considered and yes you must do what’s best for you and that other person to get out of a toxic unfulfilling situation. On the flip side there is a such thing as selfishness for the wrong unnatural man made reasons such as cheating, lusting, stealing, hurting others, manipulation to get what you want, harm to others to get ahead, mentally and emotionally terrorizing another person because of your own hurt and pain….the lost can go on. This is what I mean by people are naturally selfish and when this is not understood, it’s easy for someone to hurt others to get needs met. It’s a learned behavior and many times a way to feel a temporary void that unfortunately we may not always be able to come back from.

What do you think about humans and selfishness? Thanks for reading!