Humans are selfish

I know the title comes off as a blanket statement but humans are naturally selfish. What I mean is that the way the world is designed, if our needs as human are not getting met, by nature we look for a way to feel this void. Many of the outlets can include sex, drugs, socialism, companionship, committing crimes, murder and many of decisions that may not be in our best interest.

Don’t get me wrong I think it’s important to always consider your well being and to respect others. If you don’t look out for yourself while walking this earth who will? But I really want to touch on the topic of selfishness that tends to hurt others. Often times as humans we get caught up in what we lack that it’s easy to disregard what we do have. The term grass is greener on the other side is a great way for example. If a human is not getting its needs met in a situation that’s toxic to your well being such as emotionally, mentally, physically as far as health is concerned, these need to be considered and yes you must do what’s best for you and that other person to get out of a toxic unfulfilling situation. On the flip side there is a such thing as selfishness for the wrong unnatural man made reasons such as cheating, lusting, stealing, hurting others, manipulation to get what you want, harm to others to get ahead, mentally and emotionally terrorizing another person because of your own hurt and pain….the lost can go on. This is what I mean by people are naturally selfish and when this is not understood, it’s easy for someone to hurt others to get needs met. It’s a learned behavior and many times a way to feel a temporary void that unfortunately we may not always be able to come back from.

What do you think about humans and selfishness? Thanks for reading!

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The Rise of Single Motherhood

I’m sure this is a topic that many of us have known to become true in the last couple of decades for women of all races but I’m going to focus on African American women because studies show that we have the highest rise in single motherhood than the other groups.

There are many reasons we can point the blame to but the truth be told that it’s so common these days that we have become to accept it as normal. Let’s fist discuss some of the potential reasons that started this epidemic:

-Many African American fathers are dead or in jail. Half our men have been killed with by the police or crime involvement weather voluntarily or innocent bystander. Black men get locked up and much harsher sentencing than any other race so it’s not surprising many of them are in jail and unable to raise their children. Many of the reasoning for black men to go to jail are environment upbringings that put them in a situation to survive such as selling drugs for money, crime to feed family or finding no way out of unfortunate circumstances. These are reasons that we have known for many years challenge African American men.

This has trickled down to the households where girlfriends and wives of black men are left as widows or single mothers because these men are no longer in the home to help raise the family. So this falls on the shoulders of the women. It’s like a domino effect.

Now let’s shoot years later in the new millennium and examine how this mentality has become normal. For many years we have seen grandmothers, mothers, sisters, cousins, friends and aunts raise their children alone for whatever reason that the father is not involved or in the home that we have come accustom to accepting that this is what is alright. I say this now because almost everyone knows at least two or more black single mothers that never been married to the father, or decided to become a single mother by choice without hesitation. It’s like we come together as a sisterhood and support this thinking because we are so use to doing it alone due to growing up and seeing many of our fore-mothers raising children alone due to the circumstances above. When something is common it’s likely to become normalized and that’s why I feel it’s a rise in the black community.

We can’t forget the small group of women that feel they would be good moms and raise a child themselves without the father and this may potentially be true to the fact that women are becoming head of household, have higher educations in the black community to the male counterparts, less crime rate and affiliation, and hold jobs that allow the income to raise a child on their own. So with this belief many women feel empowered that they can be a great single mother by choice.

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There are upsides and downsides which affect not having a family structure. Many we already know and understand and sometimes it’s best not to be in a situation that is unhealthy for parents and child. In this situation a healthy co parenting situation will be better if not JUST as rewarding for everyone involved. If this is priority in most single family households, we could see less affects in the black community. What do you think? Thanks for reading!

Are You Serious -Skin Bleaching?

Today I came across an article that really had me blown away.  Honestly before I get started….I asked myself, why am I shocked, when your dealing with a manipulator, they will do anything to secure the bag or get ahead.  I am talking about Blac Chyna….she is promoting a new skin bleaching cream called “Whitealicious.”  She is promoting it in Lagos, Africa….a place where there is an epidemic of colorsim and skin bleaching. You going to a country of majority dark skin people and promoting a skin bleaching cream as to say that dark skin is ugly, and I can make you pretty by using this skin cream. As an African american woman, you would think she would have enough decency to say “NO.” I refuse to sell this crap to my people. Its unhealthy and not safe. But the superficial chick she is…….

First skin bleaching is unsafe, and unhealthy.  It can cause all type of skin diseases and problems long term.  When your uneducated and superficial, you will over look these issues and continue to expose yourself to become unhealthy.  The fact that an African american woman, who I am pretty sure knows that this is a problem and not safe will promote a product in AFRICA of all countries is sick. Here is a picture of the advertisement below: 

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Skin bleaching from my research is a huge issue in places like Africa, Asia, China and islands of Jamaica. Places where there are people of color. They feel like “white” skin is more pretty and attractive and you get more attention.  Now don’t get this confused with “light skin.”  I am talking “white” skin. Example below:

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Yall this is a hot mess! When you been brainwashed to believe that skin with melanin is not beautiful you will go to lengths to change it.  Whats crazy is that these things are unsafe.  The cause long term health issues such as :

  • skin turning dark or too light.
  • thinning of the skin.
  • visible blood vessels in the skin.
  • scarring.
  • kidney, liver or nerve damage.
  • abnormalities in a newborn baby (if used during pregnancy

I wanted to post this issue to see what your thoughts.  Thanks for reading!

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Celebrating Women!

I wanted to make a post centered around celebrating women! Being a woman comes with many reward and challenges.  We have come a long way for equal rights and I must say, LADIES…we are dominating but still have along way to go.  First lets celebrate what we have achieved in the past decades!  

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#1. Independence – We have been able to secure some of the top careers in places that we were never able to navigate such as politics, running for president, mayor, governor, CEO of some of the largest fortune five hundred companies. We now are mothers and head of household in many homes. We are able to raise children and have a prosperous career at the same time. Although we have a ways to go when it comes to equal pay among-st our male counter parts, lets celebrate this achievement thus far!

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#2. Education – We have been able to secure education status of Masters, Doctoral, JD status just to name a few.  In the past, we had to sit back and watch our male counter parts dominate the education system and get the better jobs, but now, ladies we are able to go as high as we want in the education system and change some of the though process from the past that we were to be barefoot and pregnant after high-school.  NOT ANYMORE!

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#3. Women of Color – I want to celebrate ladies of color because the struggle IS real. Although for ALL women have faced and issues, women of color have faced many additional challenges from racism, judgement, media and scrutiny just to name a few for decades and still have a long road to go. The day that all women can come together and make their power and presence known, we can overcome some of the challenges still faced as a GENDER. Forget a RACE, lets band together as a GENDER and knock the socks of these dick heads!  Unity is stronger than individual segregation. Lets celebrate women AND women of color pressing forward and staying strong when everyone else has been against us ALL. What you say?

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If there is anything else you believe should be celebrated by all women please comment and share, thank you for Reading!

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My Favorite Beauty Bloggers!

Happy Wednesday, or shall we say Hump Day! Today I wanted to do something different and write about some of my favorite beauty bloggers.  Its been three years since I started following some of my favorite beauty enthusiasts.  What I look for in a beauty bloggers channel is honesty, real reviews, unique style, flawless natural beauty as well as a BEAT face.  I will list some of my favorites so that you can enjoy as well!

The GlamTwinz334 – These girls were my first YouTube subscription. I am not sure how they came across my feed but after watching a few videos I was an instant fan.  What makes them unique is that they are twins and have such an interesting collaboration that that set out to grow their hair natural, and with length at that.  They have tailbone natural hair and they started their hair journey years ago.  They showcase tips and products they like to use with honest feedback.  They have a cute style that gave me a lot of ideas when trying to change up my hair.  They match their make up to what they are wearing and its fun to watch and get ideas on styles.  They are very particular about their style like me which I can appreciate.  Besides “Get Ready With Me make up tutorials, Fashion Hauls from stores like Zara, Pretty Little Thing, Asos, Fashion Nova and other online boutiques, I really enjoy their Favorite Product Reviews, they also have a VLOG channel where they show their travels, events, and just day to day life activities. Must See!

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Amynicolaox – She is also one of my first subscriptions. I like her channel because she does a lot of fashion reviews.  Most her clothes are high end but every now and then she will reviews on affordable lines.  She is very detailed and honest which I like.  Also, she is from Canada which is cool, and she has a  unique accent.  This makes her stand out and has variety.  She also is really into fitness so she aims to show alot of her work out routines, and healthy meal preps. If your into fashion and fitness she is pretty entertaining to view. Must See!

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Brannygiz – I love her channel because she is your everyday relate-able woman.  She is in her late thirties and reviews on affordable finds from store like Home Goods, Ross, Marshall’s, Sephora, Ulta and almost all the usual stores I enjoy shopping.  Whats cool is she is also from Chicago which so am I!  She does a lot of make up reviews, hair reviews, clothing hauls, home shopping hauls and VLOGS of her everyday life.  She is definitely a favorite because her looks are affordable and she aims her VLOGS to the average around the day woman of all ages.  She caters to a mature audience which can be hard to find in the beauty world, when majority are teens- twenty year old.  Must See!                                                                                                                                                unnamed (1)

If you have a chance, head on over to YOUTUBE with your favorite wine or coffee and check out a few of their videos! Thank you for Reading!

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Colorism

This is a topic I wanted to discuss because I have seen quite a few articles mentioning the continued up rise in Colorism and specifically in the entertainment world. Id first like to address what Colorism is, I describe it as color preference within a group of people that have the same nationality. I am going to focus this conversation on African American people, although it is found in other minority races, its a trending topic in the Black community.  

My first encounter with colorism actually started as a girl in middle school.  It was something so simple that I didnt realize would become a issue within the black community. I remember being in 7th or 8th grade, and this is the era in my life where I started to like boys and they started to like me back or at least weren’t shy about showing it lol. I am a fair skinned girl so I would fall into the light skin category.  I remember young boys would have the conversation about which type preferred to date light skin or dark skin girls.  It was funny that this was even a topic of conversation but I remember them saying, I prefer light skin girls but I’d date a dark skin girl if she was FINE.  As a child I didnt pay much attention to these young boys comments but they ended up following to Highschool and college.  Now there were guys who indeed liked dark skin girls but it would always have to be explained which made no sense to me for example, they would say something like ” I don’t like light skin girls because they stuck up or think their all that, dark skin girls are cool and down to earth or I like dark skin girls because my mom is dark skin.”  It seemed like it was always a REASON instead of liking all women regardless of color. 

I really started to pay attention to Colorism as an adult when it became pretty evident that in today’s society especially in the music industry some of the most heavily promoted entertainers are fair skin, for example: Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Rhianna, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B, Ella Mai, and these are just to name a few main stream artists.  Don’t get me wrong we have many talented beautiful dark entertainers but how many do we actually see as major headliners? I see some mainstream actresses that are brown skin getting exposure but alot of times its only in the black community such as Gabrielle Union and Issa Rae.  But how many more are great that don’t really get the mainstream exposure? Another example is Khloe Kardashian, she recently had a baby girl, and the father is Black. Her child came out brown skinned instead of the typical fair skin mixed look that many bi-racial babies have.  Her child received criticism from social media on pictures she posted that were comments about her baby being darker than her cousins who were also bi-racial. She had a taste of what it really feels like to raise a black child and some of the negativity we face in our culture. 

I watched this documentary on YOUTUBE called – Cake Soap – Skin Bleaching and it covered people in Jamaica bleaching their skin so they can look white or light complexion. Whats sad is that in this film they really believed that the lighter the skin the more acceptable they are even being Jamaican decent where they have naturally dark skin of all shades.  It was sad to see because they reason it became popular was due to a Dance Hall Rapper named Vybz Kartel who bleached his skin and said it was cool, and if you want to be cool too you will use the cake soap.  Its crazy how lyrics in a song or a preference can cause humans to put themselves in danger of their health to be accepted or considered pretty or handsome.  It was very disappointing to see and here is a link if you wish to check it out: 

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I feel like we are all beautiful in our own way, and what makes you beautiful is your confidence.  You can please everyone and you should not try.  Black is beautiful because of the melting pot of shades and we are so blessed to have so many in our nationality it should be celebrated. Its okay to have a preference, but to say one is BETTER than the other is what I do not agree with.  Preference is personal choice but when one is put on a pedestal over the other that’s when it becomes a issue.  What do you think?

Thank you for Reading!

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The Importance of Mental Health

This has been a topic in the media lately.  Let me know if you agree. There has been quite a few celebrity’s in the past few years committing suicide.  When you think of a celebrity lifestyle with fame, fortune and money, an average person such as myself would feel like whats there to be sad and depressed about?  I guess the saying is true, More Money More Problems. You never really know until your in the situation what comes along with it.

Mental Health – a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.

In my opinion, mental health begins as a child.  Your experiences, and environment shapes you as you grow into your own.  When we become adults we either run from our past or repeat it because this is all we know.   Many children are exposed to things that have hurt their mental health and never received any treatment for it, so this behavior they are accustom to becomes normalized. What tends to happen is we gravitate to those who have had similar experiences because they are relate-able, and repeat a cycle which could be abusive relationships, drugs, promiscuity, crime etc. Kids look up to those closest to them which could be a parent, sibling, family member, friend.  Sometimes and in many cases these folks aren’t the best example, so what tends to happen is this child, now an adult grows up to believe that those experiences are normal, and this shows love.  In other cases there are children who vear the other way and do everything in their power not to repeat a generational cycle and go another route.  Many of these children have some form of mentor, or person in their life they pay attention to that may have overcome adversity, or find something to break the cycle for them such as getting a good education, using a talent, moving away and living with family members more stable etc.  

Mental Health affects you as an adult in many ways because what you feel and think can determine your decision making in life.  These thoughts and feelings are the driver of positive and negative energy. Your mental health can cause you to act out, or make rash decisions you cannot change later.  Many of these decisions not only hurt you, but others you care about. If mental health is not taken seriously, there is a large increase in crimes, murders, and abuse. Erratic behavior and episodes are prime examples that their could be something mentally not stable with a person. The answer is not always medication because the downside of medicating a mental illness is you become dependent on it to live life. The drugs make you feel as if you have thing sunder control, but your a dose away from hurting yourself and others. Many murders in jail have experiences as a child that has shaped them into believe their crime was justified or they were exposed to this behavior. 

I honestly believe once someone mentally has checked out, its hard to get back to that place of sanity. Reason is your constantly finding ways to cope,  This can be drugs, medication, and other actions that can hurt yourself and others. Mental health plays a huge role on your physical health as well. The drugs you put into your body can have affects on your health and organs. Think of all the celebrities who were affected by mental illness for whatever reason, most died of drug overdose. Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, Teena Marie, Mac Miller and the list goes on.  Lets pray for Kanye West because he is clearly not mentally all there at this time. Suicide is real too, Kate Spade, Robin Williams just to name a few. Whats your thought on this topic?!

Thank you for reading! 

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Having a Peace of Mind….

What does this mean?  Does it mean not to have a worry in the world, or to let your mind wander to a place with no despair?  I really cant put a definition to it but I will say there is NOTHING like having a peace of mind.  When I look up the googled definition here is what I found:

If something gives you peace of mind , it stops you from worrying about a particular thing or event.

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There are times in life where I have had a piece of mind, and in most cases it was when I felt like I was in control of something.  Now looking back, a sense of control was a hidden sense of fear from things falling apart.  I don’t think we ever REALLY have control over anything in life. Sometimes things are up to chance or just natural causes. The only person that can really control THIS THING CALLED LIFE IS GOD. A spiritual healer and guide to help us navigate our purpose here on earth by listening.  Sometimes the loudest response is what has not been said. What made me really write a post about Having A Peace of mind is that we spend so much time worrying about things that we have absolutely no control over that we miss some  of the most amazing milestones in our life. Each year we get older and the years get numbered.  What have we accomplished so far?  Or did we spend the them full of worry and concern that we let all this valuable time pass us by. My mother said something to my sister and I the other day that hit home, and one day soon I will under stand.  She said ” I am not sixty five year old, there will be a day where there will be more days in your past than you have in your future.” This hit home because at her age she see’s a shortened road than I do in my thirties or my niece in her teens. When your young you feel like you have the world ahead of you, and plenty of time to accomplish life’s wonders. But in reality we have to use each day and year like its the best time. There are RIGHT times in life and those are the ones GOD allows to happen. One phrase I like is “its not what happens to you, but how you respond to what has happened.” 

Thank you for Reading!

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Embracing Your Natural

Yes lets do this!  I commend many women who are snatching out the weaves and letting that beautiful curly hair shine through. For many years we let the media and society depict what beauty is. Long straight hair was the THING. If you weren’t a fan of the relaxer, you could fake it to you make it by adding that long bundles of weave in your hair.  I wont lie, weave and extensions can make the most average looking female look ten times better because its “perfected hair.”  Our real hair is going to have imperfections to an extent because its manipulated on a daily basis. I am not quite sure what or who drove us to start embracing the natural curl pattern but its great! We can do so many style with our hair being thick and bushy. High buns, bushy ponytails, goddess braids, box braids, bandu knots, twists, blow-outs, natural curl etc. If we want to change it up and wear our hair straight all we need is a once in a while – silk press to get those roots popping!  Now who can hate on that?

Me, I haven’t had a relaxer in years, and quite honestly don’t need it.  With a good wash and conditioner, blow dry and silk press I can keep my hair straight until the next visit. I like to blow out my hair wear it with feathered curls when I go to the salon because I am in that in between stage. I use to have long hair and because of breakage cut it into a bob. I loved that cut but it only looks good if you maintain it which was hard for me to do.  Now I am growing it back out and its in that in-between stage so I don’t do much to it but wear it curled for a week or so then make protective styles like a bun or braids after a while. If I knew the right product I would try the natural curly look but that really takes time to see what your hair needs and prefers so it can “act” right. I don’t have the patience chile lol. I will leave by saying this, some women need to maintain their natural better because I saw this girl come in the restaurant I was eating at for lunch and you can tell she was rocking the natural look, but it looked more like a disaster on her head, a mountain of dry tight matted mess. With the right product her curls would have been popping but not all of us really do our research on how to maintain a health natural style. Don’t let that be YOU LOL! Anyways! Thank you for Reading and feel free to comment. 

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Why I Decided to Give Up Social Media

It was time. I had a Facebook Page since 2010, and before that a MySPACE page since 2005.  When does it get enough of sharing your most intimate moments for people you don’t speak to or haven’t seen in years? When it was just me, as a single woman, no children and really no major responsibilities, it was fun, exciting and a great way to meet new people. But as I entered my 30’s, got married, and planned for my first child, I realized I only want to share these intimate moments with my family and friends that I actually truly know cares about me. I feel like if I am friends with someone on Facebook, but we don’t have each-others phone number or mutual friends, are we truly FRIENDS? The people I consider my friends I can text, pick up the phone and call them, send an email.  We communicate more frequently than not often and I am able to invite them to these intimate moments because they are truly my friends. 

Many people on Social media want to be nosy, or compare their lives to others. Half of most peoples friends are people they went to High=school with but haven’t seen in years and probably didn’t even LIKE in HS. One thing about the internet, once its on there, it gives access to any and everyone to know your business. I use to think, it was alright to post your children but you don’t know what lunatic is lurking or can get access to your kids, location, home etc. I am not trying to be Hippocratic because I once was on social media but find it refreshing to know I have some bit of privacy. I use to faithfully scroll through Instagram and FB when I had the apps, almost like second nature. Now its almost been a year since I disconnected, and don’t miss it at all. If I want to learn the latest gossip, I will try YOUTUBE. Honestly I would rather just BLOG. 

Thanks for Reading!

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September Favorites!

Hey loves! I wanted to share some of my recent favorites with you all.  I know its been a while so I am long overdue for a post.  If you tried any of these products or have similar faves please comment below so I can try them out as well. 

  1. Nike VaporMaxx Running Shoes – I love these sneakers!  If you are looking for slim fit, comfort as if you walking on air, a sneaker you can wear without socks that wont have your feet sweating, this is the shoe!  The sneak has small air pickets that allow your feet to breath while wearing.  The tongue is thin and fits to your ankle for a slim comfortable fit made for walking and or running.  This shoe comes in men’s and women’s sizes, and various colors to fit your personality.  The best part I like it is the air sole which makes each step comfortable.  They are on the pricey side and will run you about 200.00.

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2. Bahama Breeze Restaurant – This is a Caribbean style restaurant who has the best selection of pasts and seafood dishes.  Some of their most popular dishes include jerk chicken entrees, lobsters, steak, and for those not into seafood you can get soups, salads and burgers.  My favorite dish is the shrimp and lobster pasta, its a fettuccine dish with shrimp and pasta.  Soooo goood! You can also choose from a bunch of specialty cocktails and drinks.  My favorite is the Bahamarita which is a frozen drink which you can get virgin or with Tequila.  Check your local area to see if there is a Bahama Breeze near you. I am in the Chicago area, so the closest one to me is in Schaumburg IL. about 30 min outside the city.

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3. Garnier Sensitive Face Wash – This has been great for my skin, and does not leave residue.  It gets into my pores and leaves me with a nice glow before adding moisturizer.  I usually wash my face with this product twice a day and it really has helped me to eliminate breakouts.  It will run you about 8.99 in retail stores.

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4.  Apple Air Pods – These are the absolute best!  They are blue tooth ear buds and you can go hands free without a cord or anything connected.  They come with this cute charging case that keeps them ready for use.  They sink with any blue-tooth device.  They will run you about 200.00 but are so well worth it! You wont regret them.

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5. Rosati’s Pizza – This may just be a Chicago Pizza spot so I apologize if you cannot fine one near you but they have the best pizza…why? Their pizza sauce and cheese is delicious and the pizza is always hot upon delivery.   This pizza even taste great re-warmed. To me, its the seasoning and the taste of the cheese, if you are in or near Chicago, try it, if there is a location near you.

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Thank you for Reading!

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What the Hell is wrong with this picture?

I really hate that we even need to have this as a topic of discussion but it goes to show how you can take a girl out the hood but you won’t take the hood out the girl. I’m sure y’all have read the blogs and saw the TMZ videos of this feud between Cardi B and Nicki Minaj. I’m going to keep my synopsis short and sweet. There’s a time and place for everything and in my opinion when you reach a certain level in your career especially as a world entertainer, you learn to pick your battles. I understand Cardi B hold close to her motto, “I’m gonna be me whether someone likes it or not and I didn’t sign up to be a role model” basically I’m summarizing how she refers to herself in my opinion with that quote. What about the people around her, didn’t anyone in their right mind hollar at her and y’all her out of acting a plum fool??? Why not wait till you catch her in the street if you want to be ratchet but why at a high profile event? Is it that serious? Plus Cardi has shown to be a hipocrit, she cries when someone’s picking on her but Cardi is just as much a bully as Nicki. Yes I think Nicki throws shots and definitely gets under her skin but why not challenge each other with a rap battle, keep it on wax, what’s grown ass women fighting going to do? That’s my take on it, just didn’t make sense to act out. Now you messing with your own bag cause Nicki technically could use this against Cardi legally if she wanted to really be a bitch. Now that isn’t worth it.

Nicki had has her podcast Queen radio where she goes clean in on Cardi and honestly I don’t blame her. She should get clowned for looking a damn fool with her ass out. 😫😦😒

What you think?

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