Hey ladies, I decided to discuss briefly a topic that has become concerning over the past few years. Lets discuss the “Baby Mama” syndrome. I am not mother yet, and have been married for two years now. I always wanted children but knew that if I got pregnant before marriage, there was a high percentage that I would not be with the father, or may never get married. I didn’t want that, and I wanted my children to be in the same home as the father. Thus, I am glad I didn’t get knocked up and have to make a decision between my child or marriage. I am not saying you cant have both if your put into the situation but it does create more odds against you, and challenges as the mother.
It seems like especially in the black community its “acceptable” to be a Black single mother. Its almost like a badge of honor that I “have his baby.” Its almost like I attend more baby showers than I do weddings in my generation. I am in my early 30s. My husband and I have this conversation and he feels Black women “want their purpose and to be in control.” This is why they have the babies with a man they are not married or committed t to in any way. He says this way of thinking is generational and has been passed down to be acceptable. There are no women speaking to our generation letting them know, do not bring a child into this world if the man does not love and respect you or value you as his helpmate. Instead, they say :”its his fault, have that baby, you will be alright, he better do the right thing etc..” I am a bit biased because as a woman, I understand how we feel, we get a certain age, and that time clock starts going off especially when you hit 30 years old. Not married and single. You panic and feel like if I dont go through with this, it may never happen for me. Also other situations are when your younger, you THINK your in love, and feel like you don’t want to be without this guy, so the baby will be the glue to keep yall together, This hardly ever works. The only way it works is if he is IN too you before the baby, and LOVES you regardless, cause men can and do leave. If we know this, we have to make sure we look out for ourselves, and make decisions that are in OUR best interest. Some women are accepting of the single mother role, because they want the child, and don’t believe in the PLAN B pill or abortions, but ladies lets be honest, at a certain age you already made up in your mind that HE CAN GET IT, and if you let him raw dog, you came to the conclusion that “you wont be too mad if you get pregnant” lets be real, what hurts is if he doesent “stay or commit to you” if you have the child. That’s when how he REALLY feels about you shows, and the fact you were a booty call, is even worst.
I must be honest, majority of my girlfriends from ages 29-40 are single mother, and never been married. I am like the only friend out of all my girls that’s married right now. The only ones that are, I met through my husbands friends (their wives). Its sad. Bbaies will never be the glue….ever, and even marriage ain’t a guarantee but at least yall made it down the aisle to “attempt” to do the things the right way as long as yall could. I am not blaming the woman in these situation,s but ladies we know better, lets start taking accountability for our actions and stop procreating with men that don’t want to be commit to us. That clock shit is real but its fucking us up. Its not cute, and what about the child, now they have to be subject to the parents selfish irrational decisions. Thoughts?